NaNa's Words

Keep reminding myself.....

2011-01-22T11:02:00.002+08:00

"Thou shall not be unequally yoked..."

Sometimes, somethings we just can't be too naive about. Especially when it comes to relationship. Human, himself is complicated. There's simply no 100% guarantee that he will change himself for any reason. It is because all of us have to face temptations all the time. We're all imperfect. There'll surely be times that we give in to the temptations even though we know that it is not right. This is human... Because of this reason, I've to keep bearing in mind that "thou shall not be unequally yoked..". At this point of time, suddenly feel that the Word of God is really working!!! How important the Word of God is! It helps you in times of troubles and in all situations you are in! PTL! I luv my GOD a millions infinity! :)

Therefore, the conclusion is I can't accept any guys of different religion belief, but I can be open to them as friends. We can't be too sure about what it will happen later or in the future. Perhaps, there may be a turning point of the situation we never know. But, in the beginnning, it is better not to put too much hope on it first. Yupz! That's my conclusion!

One thing I need to take note of is to be very careful how I handle this matter about the relationship. I definitely need to be very careful with my works and not to mislead people who things that are not going to happen. I need to be very careful... very careful... *Sigh*

I'm very blessed to be loved by ppl....? hahaha.... *Don't know* Thanks for all the love ya! :)

Complications

2011-01-17T14:40:00.002+08:00

Anyhow spreading of news of who & who is together...
Anyhow matchmaking...
Anyhow....

Results..... Complications...

Now, it has become a fact that that guy is having a crush on me!
But, I can't accept him. I don't want to do any harm to him... But, it's difficult...
How can it possibly no harm done?
Because I've many of this kind of experiences, the more I can feel how he's feeling right now.
Therefore, I feel troubled... Please don't get hurt.... :s

White heels, Raining Day

2011-01-14T15:51:00.002+08:00

I'm wearing white heels today! I'm very happy with this pair of heels. Nice~ Later, I'm going for a chalet organized by my colleagues. But, it is raining. Will it rains later? Will it rains tommorrow? Will it rains the day after tommorrow? How to BBQ tommorrow if it is raining?

Rain or no rain, anyway I still can't go swimming. I'm having my menses... *Boring* Hopefully, it'll be great fun during my stay at the chalet. So that, it can make it up some of the disappointments i've got... hee hee.... :P *GReat FUn!!!* I'm looking forward~ :)

Spoilt Shoes

2011-01-13T16:02:00.004+08:00

I think it must be the road to my home that is too rough to walk on. Or it is the quality of the shoes nowadays. Perhaps, it'll be more guaranteed with expensive shoes. May be the quality & the lasting of the shoes will be better? This is the second time that I broke the heels' rubber at the bottom after wearing for the first time or second time only!!! OMG! I can't believe it! My mum says I've bad feets and that's why I keep spoiling my shoes. What's that about?! I don't like hearing that. It's so hurting & demoralizing. Who likes to spoil their shoes so often or so easily? Can't it be other reason for the shoes to spoil? Hopefully, my shoes can last longer after repair...

So far, I like the service of the cobbler's skills! It's GOOD I can say. :) Thanks Mum for helping me to bring my shoes for repair! :)

*Enjoying my singlehood life~ But still, I wish to get married in 2 years time! :P*

Troubled~

2011-01-10T11:04:00.001+08:00

Today is the last day to pay school fee. I still haven't settle it. I need to ask from my dad again tonight. :( It troubles me a lot... :l

Think too much~

2011-01-08T10:52:00.003+08:00

Xiang tai duo de ren shi wo... :l But, I feel so loved & cared for~ Thank you for the frenz ard too~ They're so nice~ Though there're also a few people whom I do not want to see them again in my life. It may be the hurt he or she causes. It may be just that person that I don't like to be with. Terrible & contradict feeling in me. I'm not that kind of person who will filter my frenz like that but they're just too extreme for me... *Sadz*

AFTER THY WEDDING THOTS

2011-01-06T15:19:00.001+08:00

"After thoughts…

If it is really true that the one who caught the flower hand bouquet from the bride, will be the next one to get married. Will that be true? I hope so… & I hope he is the one who is going to be by my side for the rest of my life. Though I say 2 yrs, but anything can happen during this 2 yrs. 2 yrs is simply more than enough to prepare for the Wedding or even get ready to be married. 2 years will passby in a blink… Can I even wish that he will be the one who propose to me & hold my hand, & make his promises to me in the Wedding? Then after that, we’ve our own dear little children? Can I wish that? Though I’m not 100% sure whether he’s the one, but I’m 100% sure I really like him a lot! :) "

Winnie the Pooh-Happy Birthday

2010-12-03T15:39:00.001+08:00

FOR BEAR SIAW LENG, A DECEMBER BABY! :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

2010-12-03T15:35:00.000+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEc8rGonrQw&NR=1&feature=fvwp

回想过去

2010-10-16T19:25:00.003+08:00

今天，不知道为什么，一直想哭。一回想过去所经历的一切，我就特别想要哭。我问妈我为什么会这样。她说如果我想哭，就哭吧。是吗？可以这样吗？可能我一直都在逞强着，随心的哭变得不是一个简单的事。我为什么会这样，这就得追究到以前发生过的事了。一言难尽。那是我这一生，挣扎最痛苦的一段时期。经历了忧郁，经历了想自杀的念头，经历了想哭，不能哭，经历了许许多多不同的挣扎，直到我要崩溃。那并不是普通人所能了解的经历。还有许多别的不愉快的事。。。我在想，这些经历到底影响了我多少。

不过，值得开心的是以前在谷底的我，现在已爬上了山顶！赞美主！如果不是信了主，我真的很难想象现在的我会变成什么样。我满心感激！

但是，没有人是完美的。人生没到死，还不是尽头。伤心难过，受伤，挑战，讽刺等的事情还是会发生的。生活上的挑战是不间断的。我们只能选择退步，停步，还是进步。要过怎样的生活，由自己决定。

在上课的时候，老师说了一些话，让我赫然地觉得其实一个人有什么不好。老师并没有说这句话。这只是我自己想的。我也不一定要有爱情。或许专著与追求自己的梦想也不错。反正没有人规定一个人不行，一个人就不能过得更好。我会的过得更好的！就算是一个人。。。我已经不是以前那个脆弱的佩玉了！

我的心，现在还是很伤。每每想起某些事，我的眼泪就不经意地要掉下来。我很失望，也很绝望。或许我不适合两个人的生活，或许我的另一半还没出现。有很多的或许。。。我只知道现在的我，很累，很累。。。或许再也没有勇气去追求新的一段恋情了吧。至少短时间内。。。我不能。。。谁来扶持我呢？

我想要握着一个大大，温暖的手一起走下去我剩下的人生。这太奢侈了吗？这太难了吗？我一直等，一直等。。。现在的我，已不想等了。。。碰了几次钉子后，我放弃了吗？我不懂。这次，我只知道我的心好痛，好痛。虽然我知道我跟他是不可能，也不适合，但是我还是会觉得好难过。刚开始，是不甘心。后来，是难过。在后来，是放弃。在在后来，是绝望。我很无奈地放开了想要抓住他的手。他很好，很好。偶尔的对我的好，我是看见的。谢谢。。。不过，我们还是不能在一起。哈哈。。。我只能苦笑。在他面前，一直装着很坚强，过得很好的样子。其实，并不是很好。我不喜欢他放开了我的手的感觉。他把我放开了。并不是不喜欢我，而是不适合。我们真的不适合吗？他告诉我我一定会找到很好的男朋友的。这句话是我最不想从他那听到的。（或从他那收到的一个简讯）我知道那只是安慰。只是在告诉我，我们不会在一起。我不想听。

我的心一直忍不住会想一直为他祈祷着。祈祷他的脚伤会痊愈。祈祷他的健康会好。祈祷他创业会成功。祈祷着他的一切，一切都会好。只要他一切都好，就好了。我这样，是不是很傻。都不能在一起，何必呢？可是，我还是会想这样做。。。他一定要过的好好的。就算在不远的将来，他的手将会牵着别的女生的手。。。我明白的。但是，在那个时候，他可以不要再出现在我面前吗？结婚，也千万不要请我，可以吗？我会受不了的。无论多久以后。。。

将来，会是谁会来拯救我呢？

只想说。。。

2010-09-06T00:41:00.003+08:00

你的人太好了！好感动哦！谢谢！好喜欢这样的你！就是这样，我好喜欢你哦！哈哈。。。但，千万不要叫我请你吃饭哦！我现在可没钱了。哈哈。。。

不能忘记的

2010-09-03T02:18:00.003+08:00

我发现真的要忘记是一件很难的事。虽然现在是好多了，但是还是会觉得有一点怪怪的。不喜欢你跟我少说话了。不喜欢你的眼神一直看着别人，为别人打气。虽然知道你是不可能会选她的。但，我还是会不自觉地担心着。我们根本都没有可能了。我到底还在想什么。看见你就会让我想起我喜欢你的事。因为你对我的好，让我无法忘记。牵挂也是因为你的好。想想，怎么能不心动呢？

现在的我只是在证明给你看我依然能活的好好的。。。不过，真正的快乐吗？我的心房还不能向别人敞开。里面依然住着你。叫我如何是好呢？

身边的男生对我的好，我并不是不知道。只是我觉得他们并不是我想要的。你可以不是百分之一百我想要的对象，但至少你是我喜欢的。你的缺点，固执，脾气，等等，我都能接受。只不过我们并不适合彼此。就以为这样，我们才会那么辛苦。

他们都说你不值得，但“不值得”并不是由他们去定夺的。不是吗？如果是，我为何还要明知故犯呢？难道我傻了？或许真的傻了。

过着现在的生活或许好，也或许不好。也许你不再爱我了，只是我一人放不下而已。傻瓜的我，你懂吗？有时候，我多么希望你会像那时一样地来安抚我。但是，你没有。你只是远远地看着。这让我感觉到我们之间的距离越来越远。。。越来越远。。。

好难过，却又不能向谁说。他们只会叫我把你放下，只会骂我傻或说你的不好。。。不要！你不是不好，你很好！我不能忍受别人说你的不好！这是我唯一能为你做的了。每一次看见你，我都很感谢。虽然没有说话，虽然没有眼神交流，我都不在乎。只要你还好好的就好了。感谢上帝！

我会好好地过的。只要你快乐，我只好放手。。。不在紧紧地抓住你。。。其实，你是一个抓不住的人。。。至少我抓不住你。。。

BoA's "Can't Let Go"

2010-07-22T01:02:00.003+08:00

过了漫长一天真是难捱
这是不好的吗
虽然不该这样但我还是这种笨蛋oh...
虽然温暖的阳光里利落
我的心寒冷，伸手不见五指
*我太软弱，说不定只能在黑暗中一个人哭泣
就算不关心也请回头吧
我绝对不行的阿，只有你其他人都不行的阿
就连长相也越来越像了。。。
像谎言一般就算其他的日子也是
寂寞的只有我一个人
我就像是你的影子
如果能活的像你一样。。。
请告诉我如果你要走
我的眼里只看得见你。。。
*Repeat
心不在焉的夜晚，就连我的回忆一起消灭吧(so tell me)
我太软弱，说不定只能在黑暗中一个人哭泣
就算不关心也请回头吧
我绝对不行的阿，只有你其他人都不行的阿
就连长相也是 oh baby
对这样的我来说你就是我的全部。。。

[这首歌简直写得太好了！虽然这只是翻译，可是它的感觉写得好真实，好对哦！让我觉得好惊讶，但却又表达出我心里的那种感觉！这首歌太棒了！]

Nana Sounds Terrible!

2010-06-24T06:40:00.002+08:00

This is simply so unbearable! I can't stand myself with this kind of voice now! What happen? What happen? Hopefully, someone can tell me. Is it too heaty? Is it straining? Or..... I sounded terrible! OMG! I can't stand it! That's the last thing a Vocalist ever wants to know!!! Argh........................

I hope & I hope drinking more water will help......... Haizzzzz................ Why can't I sing those 2 vocal exam songs well? I wonder... I'm still not good. I want to try very hard but no matter how many times i try, it is still the same. Singing is a chim chim thingy! So chim till I want to faint! But still, I love singing! I want to sing well! I just feel helpless & useless for now. I wonder when I can do it well, at least for these two songs for the moment... When...........................................? :(

一个人生活

2010-06-20T17:05:00.004+08:00

现阶段, 我在享受着一个人的生活。没有束缚。没有争风吃醋。没有争吵。没有猜测。有难过。少了甜蜜。自由自在的。一个人的生活就是这样。

现在, 我才发现偶尔花时间在自己身上也是一种享受。偶尔自己一个人, 挺好的。你会发现很多东西。你会发掘很多事。你也可能会想通很多事。一个人生活。

不再爱了吗? 因为经历那么多次的失望... 或许应该说是暂时不去想了, 把注意力都放在别的事情上. 这不是挺好的吗? 以后的事, 以后再说。我已没有什么好坚持的。就算我在固执, 也改变不了什么。我会因为这件事而经一次, 长一智吧。 (大概是这样吧。我也不是很清楚华文里的那一句是怎么写的。）这次的事是一个经验。可是，心真的很痛。原来爱情是那么的痛。无论流了多少的眼泪，他始终不是属于你的。眼泪是一个过程。一个必定要经历的过程。如果两个人不适合，在怎么喜欢彼此，也没有用。应该是这样吧。感情的事真的会把一个人变得很傻，很傻。明明知道不可能，还是会坚持爱下去。明明知道不适合，还是爱着他。明明知道他还没有准备好，还是等着他。明明知道他一直都在无意地误导着我，我还是怪不了他。爱啊。。。这就是爱情？因为爱，我原谅。因为爱，我放弃。因为爱，我必须离去。因为爱，我要宽容地继续把他当普通朋友看待。有许多的不容易，必定要经历的事，我都忍下，也认命了。我不知道他的心里是怎么想的。但，现在已不重要了。唯一我知道的，他跟我一样都会想要维持我们之间的友情。这是我不知道应该开心，还是难过的事。他真的从此以后，从我的心里搬家吗？我不想再痛苦下去。我已经很累，很累了。若不是周围的朋友，我想我也不会这么坚强吧。我心里很感谢他们的陪伴与关心！好幸福哦！:D

Stalker

2010-06-20T16:48:00.002+08:00

I seriously don't like stalker. They are really irritating. No matter how many times you told them to stop, they won't. The worst is if the stalker is your friend. Do you know that it is difficult to open the mouth to talk to him or her about it? It is just because he or she is a friend. Still, I feel very irritated by the stalking. May be simply because I'm not interested in that particular person and dislikes he or she keeps appearing. It is not about I don't have a big heart to contain such person. It is just simply disturbing. I'm a normal human being. Of course, I'll have things that I don't like. What to do? Let them continue to stalk? haha.... I've no idea. I guess i just ignore for the time being. I don't really want to bother about it. bo cham...

Note:

To me, stalking has a few different kinds. In here, I'm talking about not physical stalking. I had it once though. haha.... I don't want to talk much about this already... Sianz... :l

我知道。。。

2010-06-12T18:30:00.004+08:00

我知道你不曾属于过我。。。你的心依然希望能在她那儿。她刚和男朋友分手，你就马上要去陪她。你的心真的不在我这。就算你有那么一点点喜欢过我，但我们已成为过去。你所为的努力过，我看到了。但，那真的叫做努力吗？我们不合吗？我们不适合吗？其实，我的心里很不甘心就这样结束了。而且，很无理头的结束了。是我决定放弃了。。。虽然，心里还是很不甘心。。。一切都交给主罢。我已经不知道我还能做什么了。你的生日要到了。或许，那将会是我为你做的最后一件事了。。。生日快乐！我会好好过的！

我承认。。。

2010-06-10T01:08:00.004+08:00

我承认我还没有放手。。。这真的实在很难放手。。。给我多一点的时间吧。。。这，怎样来说也不是一天两天的事。总得要一点时间去忘记吧。在这个过程中，是辛苦的。可是，没有办法，我还是得经历的。这是一个过程。。。

很多人都会很想知道我怎么了。很抱歉，我不能多说什么。你们只须默默地为我祈祷就可以了。谢谢你们的关心。:)

或许经过这次，我会彻底的绝望了吧。我不知道我该怎么期待爱情。我现在实在很累了。碰了那么多次的钉子，我怕了。。。一切都交给主吧。我没话说了。我真的很累了。。。很累。。。没有力气在这个地方耗下去了。喜欢我的人，我很抱歉了。。。

我对爱情，真的很执著。他们说，这样不好。我应该给自己多一点的机会，而不是把时间浪费在一个人的身上。可是，我却那么的固执。我只能在一个时间里爱着一个人。我的心无法分给别人。它已被他给占据了。我还不知道该如何请他搬家，搬出我的心。这是我心底最深的秘密。。。我不会让他知道这点的。唉。。。

我不知道为什么我会喜欢上他。。。告诉我，为什么。。。我是后悔了，还是害怕我再也找不到我喜欢的人了。。。我知道我在害怕着。那是多么复杂的心情阿。。。虽然我已决定放弃，但我还是会不停的想他。我还是会不停的想要他继续地对我好。我是不是很自私？我是不是很矛盾？很多地方都有他的影子。。。很多甜蜜的事，感动的事，浪漫的事，可爱的事。。。都有他的影子。我似乎不能没有他。。。他对我的好都会一直停留在我的心里。就算我们最终还是不能在一起，我还是会一辈子记得那些美好。感谢在我的人生里放了一点光。这就好像E先生那样。他最终只会变成我的回忆吗？其实，我很害怕会是这样。。。我心里多么不想会是这样。。。我多么希望我和他是那么的和的来，而且会在一起。但，一切都看起来那么的难。为什么。。。为什么。。。为什么。。。

别人说什么，我都不理。我只知道这是我的心。。。爱是什么，值叫人又伤又累。。。害怕他不再爱我了。。。爱情也叫人变得自卑起来，害怕配不上对方。把自己的一切缺点都放大了。我难过的是放弃爱，放弃的梦被打碎，忍住悲哀。。。 :(

*部络格是我发泄情绪和心情的地方。请各位读者，朋友读了后，不要太过分的惊讶或关心。如果真的有什么事的话，大概也不只这些吧。请你们尽管放一百个心，我没事！谢谢你们读我的部络格哦！:) *

我难过的事

2010-06-05T23:53:00.006+08:00

我难过的是要放弃你, 放弃爱, 放弃梦, 忍住悲哀. 距离决定放弃你的那天也没有多久. 但我已觉得好像过了很久似的. 虽然仍然可以跟一群朋友和你一起出去, 就像什么事也都没有发生过一样, 但是, 每当夜深人静的时候, 我还是会因为想起你而难过. 不过, 这次不一样. 我不哭了. 我只是觉得很遗憾, 很可惜, 很无奈罢了... 我实在不懂为什么我们不能在一起. 我很固执. 我心里在想, 我们可不可以什么都不要想, 就冲动的在一起. 至少我们曾经努力过, 相爱过, 在一起过... 不过, 当然我知道这是不可能的. 那样对彼此都只是一种伤害. 我不能这么自私.

每一次我看到你的时候, 我都会忍不住要多留意你一下, 细心体贴你一下, 关心你一下... 我做的那些小小的动作, 不知道你是否有看到. 那些是发自与我的真心. 我忍住想要"控制"你的念头, 我给你自由, 我让你去做你想要做的事. (其实我也控制不了你...) 我只是温柔的提醒着你一些事. 例如, 提醒你不要喝太多酒, 要驾车, 不要喝酒等等之类的...

看着你昨天喝到不行的样子, 我忍不住很想要去关心你. 但是, 我不能... :( 最后, 只有发简讯给你关心你一下...

如果我们的关系只能停在这里, 那就让它停在这里吧. 无论如何, 你还是我的朋友嘛. 只不过，我的心还是会过分的想要关心你，靠近你。

有很多时候, 我还是会对你包着一点点的希望. 希望有一天你会接受我, 我们会在一起. 一切的顾虑都没有. 我甚至想, 如果我继续对你好, 我们会在一起. 如果我继续关心你, 我们会在一起. 如果我对你更细心一点, 我们会在一起. 不过, 这些只是一个想法而已. 你和我是不会有结果的吧... *难过*

男生都爱说我很好, 但又不接受我. 那是什么意思? 安慰我, 敷衍我? 我不了解! 没关系! 我会坚强地走过这个过渡期的. 加油!

我发现

2010-06-03T22:47:00.007+08:00

我发现我们再也不是好朋友了。早已不是了。。。难以置信我们竟然会变成这样。真的为什么会是这样呢？我不知道，也不知道该如何去想。我们的距离早已变得很遥远了。我们从好朋友变成了遥远距离的朋友了。现在想起过去到现在，真的很多东西都变了。真的难以置信！为什么呢？为何不能成为一辈子的好朋友呢？灵里的成长不应该是一个阻碍嘛。。。哎。。。无奈。。。也不了解。。。我已一点儿都不了解你了。。。曾经是那么要好的朋友。。。:(

[这里，我在说E先生。。。]

Challenge YOU

2010-06-02T21:53:00.003+08:00

i want to challenge YOU! i want to see what will the outcome be & what is my calling or called-to-be... i want to see... i'm curious to know... i want the healing to take place at the same time too... i want to prepare for my future... i want to see my dreams come true... it's okay that i don't have someone to be by my side for now... but i know my friends care a lot for me... they have been very supportive & caring... i feel very very touched inside my heart... Thank You to all my dearest friends.... i know he cares HE cares also... :) i think that is enough ba.... :) Thank you GOD! i feel so loved! :) i think that is what i'm living for... i want to care for others more... i want to share my love for those less unfortunate.... but i need to learn to do it.... i know YOU have always been to guide me.... Thank you for using me to care for the people around me.... as i love my people..... i feel loved too..... i feel very blessed too..... GOD, how can i say thank you to you enough..... i think that is what i want to see.... i must press on.... i must not loose it.... may be, perhaps.... some of the things are just not meant to be now.... or may be it is just not the right thing at the right time.... *smilez*

Pondering...

2010-05-23T23:48:00.007+08:00

I was thinking.... I'm of so good of criteria.... How can I not find a good partner?

But still, I'll be wondering why on earth will people reject a person like me? LOL! He missed a treasure, man! :P

Definitely, I'll find my "treasure" soon! Someone who is compatible and will not bully me! He who will take good care of me and allow me to take care of him... :)

Chance don't come twice. Once you miss it, means you miss it for sure. Cherish opportunities that come by and not miss it! I'm moving on... though heart is still aching. But still, I have to move on...

It's quite amazing about the feeling during this period of time. From "I can't put down" to "I don't bear to put down" to "I need to put down" to "I'll put down" to "I put down".... Amazing... Don't worry. I'll find someone else who knows how to cherish me & love me more! :)

经过

2010-05-23T01:39:00.003+08:00

经过熟悉的地方，我想起他。经过靠近他家的地方，我想起他。

可以不要再想他了吗？很难过阿。。。

他对我的好，我很感激。可是，那会让我更难过。。。怎么办？

我还是觉得很可惜。。。真的不行吗？不会有可能吗？

目前为止，都好像是我单方面在决定怎样，就怎样。。。因为他并没有一个决定。只是一句“还没准备好”。

其实我满不舍得放弃的，但是这件事拖的太久也不好。难过是难过，但现在已好多了．已经不是我该那么主动的时候了．．．如果真的珍惜我，就要争取，而不是退缩．我相信我是值得的．若有人懂得珍惜．．．我尽量把心打开．．．

我是否太执著于一个人了？但，往往似乎没有结果．．．

我在看周围的草啦．．．看看吧．．．希望我的心能快点痊愈．．．

＊一颗受伤的心＊

失亿

2010-05-21T14:59:00.003+08:00

一切选择放弃，放下，不再眷念。。。

刚开始，很不容易。但，因为有那么多好朋友的陪伴与鼓励，我比想象中来得快好多了。

虽然还没有完全从心里的痛复原，但至少现在我能勇敢的面对，不尴尬。一切就像是没有事发生似的。可能只有这样，朋友才做的下去。或许，这才是最好的决定。继续下去只是一种伤害。

一切的事情就忘了吧。就当作失亿了。

也许他不能，但我得做到！因为受伤的人是我。。。

他被影响的程度多少，我不知道，也不想知道。因为绝对不会比我多。

他的固执，让我在想能带他到多远，多久的将来。不是在骂他，只是好奇。

也或许，那只是他的逃避，他嘴硬心软罢了。

我想了解他，但一切已太迟了。他真的还没准备好。。。也很不会处理感情的问题。

虽然早就知道这件事，但我还是一头栽了下去。好傻哦。。。

放弃了这棵树，外面还有很多棵好树。但，我绝对不会找代替品。给我一点时间休息一下。。。

当我休息够了，神阿，会给我一个完美的答案吧？我的期限只有三年。三年后，结婚。我不能浪费任何的时间。女人的青春有限。

好东西

2010-05-17T01:44:00.003+08:00

好的东西是值得等的。如果真的是你所要的，就去争取吧！

如果真的属于我的，他怎样跑，也跑不掉的。哈哈。。。开玩笑的。。。

我觉得一切以平常心看待，日子会比较好过。

虽然现在的心情是平静多了，但是还会常常想起。。。那张脸还是会偶尔出现在我的脑海里。

不过，这个很难控制吧。。。

（最近，有些烦恼。在加上，在考试期间。会有一点点的压力。。。）

感激他的简讯。有让我感觉到心情好多。一个简单的简讯与关心真的让我看了，不自觉地笑了！谢了！:D

Our Friendship

2010-05-15T05:32:00.005+08:00

I had loved you with all my heart... & I have no regrets... for my love for you is true... It had been too long a 5mths for us... thou it didn't work out... it is still really nice to see you, talk to you, go out with you again... Yes, we were once close to each other... Things are different now... it's okay... At least we still talk to each other... still hanging out together with the other friends... :)

Yesterday's searching for makan place is sort of nice (enjoyable) moment for me.... LOL... But, we still couldn't find our seats... :P Nice to have common good friends between us, whom they unknowingly helps to pull us back to our normal friendship again.... Great! I won't want to loose you as a friend... & I mean it... :) Thank God too! :)

Talking to Myself

2010-05-14T01:55:00.002+08:00

Talking to myself amazing! Sometimes we just need some time for ourselves rather always keeping ourselves busy with many things & never ending.... :D I'm doing okay.... Exam is just next week! Exciting! :P

Work

2010-05-12T16:02:00.003+08:00

I'm forced to master the skills of swollowing my tears... At Work, it's full of contradictions, helplessness, emotions, sandwiched experiences & so on & so on.... Sometimes, though how much you want to help, but you just can't do anything about it... Sigh... tt's wk, tt's life.... :l Nonetheless, some of my colleagues do help me a lot in my work. :) Some.... just showing temper.... :l

But 2 prawn crackers frm Cafe aunty makes my day! Thank God for His timely consoling to my soul! *touched* :)

自由了！

2010-05-09T02:37:00.002+08:00

这次，我真的自由了！我终于做出了一个决定。而且，还是很确定的。原来，到头来并不是我想象的那样。不过，我还是会相信神会给我一个最棒的。因为，我是最棒的阿！哈哈。。。:D

结论

2010-05-08T03:56:00.001+08:00

想太多。。。我也累了。。。睡吧！

他没事了！

2010-05-03T21:22:00.004+08:00

Feels relieved.... He's fine! After he had done the X-ray, it shows no fracture. Instead, there is tendon strain and a little tear at the knee.... But still, he needs to rest well, not to exert too much on his knee... I can't understand why he still drives... Sigh... He's going out tonight somemore.... Sigh sigh.... 拿他没有办法。。。I'm super worried for him. He's like don't really care like that... -_- But, at least he's proven fine now.... At least it is not as serious as I thought... :)

Please don't stop talking to me! I can't stand you not bothering me. I can't stand you not replying me. I can't stand you not caring about me. haha.... :P Please continue your goodness & sweetness to me...... :D Let me care for you too......... :P

He's injured!

2010-05-03T00:39:00.004+08:00

I'm so worried for him.... How I wish I can be there for him when he was injured.... How I wish I can accompany him to the doctor hours later.... but i was not.... but i can't.... :(

Yet, one thing he shared with me just now makes me very jealous..... what did he mean???? Why does he always like to share such things with me? Make me jealous???

I'm super duper worried for him lo..... I really care for him..... but what can i do? I can't do much.... sob sob........ :(

God, please heals him! *Worried*

想他。。。

2010-05-01T09:40:00.003+08:00

他对我很好，可是我们只是朋友。

我的心都给了他，融不下别人了。可是，我们只是朋友。

他只是出国两天，我却非常的想他。他只不过才刚离开新加坡两个小时多而已。。。

不知道为什么，他人不在新加坡，我觉得好寂寞，好空虚哦。。。好想他哦。。。

虽然我们还只是朋友。。。

我不知道我们将来会是怎样，但我知道我必须继续祈祷着我们心中要的答案。

一切只能慢慢来，不能急。我们彼此都需要时间去更了解对方与相处。。。

多点单独出去或许是好的吧。。。

星期三因为有你，我很幸福！我们面对面谈话是比较舒服了！

可能是因为我们想太多，刚开始，告白后的那些日子，我们是有多么的尴尬。我都不知道要如何面对你呢。。。想想那时候和现在比起，我们进展了一步。就算不是情侣，我们绝对会是很好的朋友。也许，这样也足够了？

我们的现状

2010-04-27T23:13:00.003+08:00

有人说, 如果你在爱河中, 你便是在爱河中。如果你不清楚你是否在爱河中, 那, 你并不在爱河中。这种事是很简单的。是就是是, 不是就是不是。不必想得太多。

无论将来会是怎样, 我想我会珍惜我所拥有现在的一切。就算受伤了, 至少我曾经付出过了。

不过, 现在的我, 很幸福。不要担心。我只是有一点没有安全感罢了。可能是因为彼此太少面对面直接接触了吧。怕别人的言语影响我们的现状。可能我们暂时只想维持现状直到我们都装备好了为此吧。

就算到最后, 还是没什么. 至少我们也曾经努力过了。 :)

当然，我还是希望一切都能顺利。不过，我还是得感谢他近期对我的好。我有感觉到被关心到。很幸福了！谢谢！:)

明天，我们要去看电影了哦！好兴奋哦！最最最兴奋的是，终于，就只有我们两个人了！好难得哦！:P 这部电影也一定很好看。我们一定会享受这部电影的。IP MAN 2! :D

*明天，他会来我公司接我哦！好幸福哦！其实是因为他担心我这个路痴会花太久的时间找路。哈哈。。。我们也并没有多少时间可以在一起。要珍惜时间啊。。。 :P

哭

2010-04-25T01:48:00.003+08:00

不知道为什么，忽然有想哭的感觉。。。
看着照片。。。想哭的感觉就来了。。。

其实照片里的人并不是真正的他啦。。。
照片里看起来坏坏的，但其实并不是啦。。。他很好。。。 :)

就算想要发生的事最后没有发生，也不要紧。依照昨天一位姐妹分享的，我一定能找到我的幸福的。只要继续地祈祷着。。。相信着。。。:P

*我很情绪化，因为你影响了我。。。因为，你，我很在乎。。。*

了解我

2010-04-23T02:17:00.004+08:00

有些人总以为自己很了解我，什么都懂似的。他们真的懂吗？如果我真的那么透明的话，那我有什么特别的。其实我也跟每一个人一样，都有着我隐藏的秘密和另一面。我绝对不会是一百八仙的透明。就算了解，也不一定完全了解吧。

跟我很要好的朋友们都很了解我，但都会有不了解我的时候。有趣的是，我发现通常都是男生比较会装着很了解我的样子。哈哈。。。这种事在我身上发生过了很多次。满奇妙的。他们为什么会这样呢？

建立起一份感情真的很不容易。很多时候，我都怀疑我自己是否能做到。那需要很多的信任，包容，了解与耐心等等。非常之不易啊！我能做到吗？

我不知道我会坚持多久。我的心可以不变，但也会累的。有时侯，我会对自己有许多的怀疑与不安。我不知道我能不能胜任好这个角色。“一个能给他家的感觉，依靠和能让他信赖的角色”

听起来，很不简单哦。不过，我心里暗中地想着其实这些我都有。我实在有自信的想着。我真的能给的了这些吗？接着，我会想“如果你给我一个机会，我能做到！” 唉。。。还是不要想了吧。现实往往都是不一样的。我真的能做到吗？

（我们是好朋友。。。）

你是我的好朋友

2010-04-19T22:39:00.004+08:00

我想我们可以做很要好的朋友。可以吧？哈哈。。。

我们都有自己的梦想与commitment要忙呢。不过，我们是很享受着那个过程。很开心，我们是一起侍奉神的。。。加油！梦想一定能达成！:) 无论多累都好，只要坚持下去，我们一定能做到的！ :) 感谢我们彼此分享了那么多。。。:) 我们的梦想，目标与visions。。。太棒了！:)

也许不是我想的那样...

2010-04-17T22:47:00.005+08:00

"难道你不知道我对你的感觉吗? 老是问一些不该问的问题... 还是, 你以为我已对你死心了? 还是, 你以为我们能继续当作什么都没有发生过? 面对你, 我变得像个傻瓜. 面对对你的感觉, 我似乎无法放手... 或许你不应该再对我那么好... 我会受不了的...

也许, 一切都不是我想的那样... 是我想的太多了... 我很傻... 很傻...

谢谢... 这样就够了... 如果不喜欢我, 就放我走吧... 不要再让我抱着什么希望了... 也许, 一切都是我的错... (虽然说, 在感情里是没有对与错的.)

我不应该这样爱你....................

我们真的不能在往前一步了吗?"

"像两首节拍不同的歌

却又同时被爱情合奏
旋律勉强着
愉快不能够假装快乐.....

曾经以为等待会改变什么
你总会属于我
但是最后时间证明了
你只喜欢我
你说我比较像你的好朋友
只是不小心拥抱着
你道歉你难过
于是我给你笑容
谁在乎我的心还会不会寂寞..........

你说过我是你最好的朋友
却不应该再拥抱着
你退缩你冷漠
于是我放开双手
不在乎我的心
会永远的寂寞"

好朋友

2010-04-16T01:06:00.002+08:00

像两首节拍不同的歌
却又同时被爱情合奏
旋律勉强着
愉快不能够假装快乐
你心中有宽阔的天空
空气还稀薄
曾经以为等待会改变什么
你总会属于我
但是最后时间证明了
你只喜欢我
你说我比较像你的好朋友
只是不小心拥抱着
你道歉你难过
于是我给你笑容
谁在乎我的心还会不会寂寞
如果爱情是五线谱
我只希望用全音符
吟唱出爱上你
那完整的幸福
当你的心没有耳朵
即使我为你唱着歌
你也只看见我哭了
你说我比较像你的好朋友
只是不小心拥抱着
你道歉你难过
于是我给你笑容
谁在乎我的心还会不会寂寞
曾经以为等待会改变什么
你总会属于我
但是最后时间证明了
你只喜欢我
你说我比较像你的好朋友
只是不小心拥抱着
你道歉你难过
于是我给你笑容
谁在乎我的心
HO 还会不会寂寞
你说过我是你最好的朋友
却不应该再拥抱着
你退缩你冷漠
于是我放开双手
不在乎我的心
会永远的寂寞
呜

不想管

2010-04-12T00:42:00.006+08:00

不想管。。。生气啦。。。不回你的简讯了。。。干吗老是哪壶不提哪壶的。。。讨厌啦。。。

是我又错了吗？如果是，请不要对我那么好，我会受不了的! 阿。。。。。。。。。。到此为止！我才不要对你那么好呢。。。唉。。。。。。我不应该这样在乎你。。。。时间，时间，时间。。。。讲来讲去，都是在讲时间点的问题。。。那，什么时候才是对的时间点呢？怎么衡量阿？Argh....... 唉。。。你老是提不该提的事情。。。叫我如何是好。。。不要跟我说“我很好”这类的话。。。我听腻了！你们男生都是一样的！哎。。。。。。够了，够了。。。我已失去了信心。。。但，不要担心。。。我依然会好好的过的。。。不要担心我。。。我绝对不对命运屈服！我的人生掌握在我手里！

因为他让我傻傻的。。。

2010-04-11T00:11:00.003+08:00

有时候，我觉得我就好像一个笨蛋一样，傻傻的。
因为他，让我变得傻傻的。我不时都会察看我的手机，看看有没有他的简讯。
常常都会失望，也偶尔会因为他的一个简讯而开心了一整天。:)
傻傻的。。。哈哈。。。
希望这次不会再失望了吧。:)

我很喜欢你，这是我的梦想

2010-04-10T11:23:00.003+08:00

“你给的依靠，我很温暖。

你给的关心，我很感动。心都软了。之前的烦恼与难过，我都忘了。

你的微笑虽然很少（因为你都是大笑。），但是我还是觉得开心。因为你快乐，我才快乐。

你的悉心，让我从一个自我的人变得像小女人般。你让我只想卧在你怀里。（你能让我这样做吗？哈哈。。。）

你的简讯，常常让我开心得不得了。阴天都变清天了！你可否可以想象你对我的影响有多大。

如果你说，叫我等你，我一定等。我想一辈子牵着你的手走下去。。。让我成为你的生命的一部分，让我照顾你一辈子，让我给你一个我们的家。这是我的梦想。因为梦想很大，我不敢告诉你，怕你吓坏了。:P

不过，我还是很想告诉你我有多么的喜欢你。我已经无可自拔了。。。完全陷下去了! 只要你的爱不变，我们必定能一直走下去。。。让我们在一起吧。:D

我想一直这样的爱着你。。。杰。:P ”

我还是很喜欢。。。

2010-04-07T02:43:00.005+08:00

我想我还是很喜欢他。无论我怎么样地逃避，我还是躲避不了我心中的感觉。

我骗得了别人，却骗不了自己的心。不知道为什么我会比我想象中来得更喜欢他。

可是，无论我多么的喜欢他，我都不能够太喜欢他。我怕那只会是另一个失望的结果。

上一次表白后，他已说了他还没有准备好去谈恋爱。那也等于是一种拒绝了吧。我不应该对他还抱着什么希望。可是，我又很喜欢有他的陪伴，他的关心，他的简讯。。。我那么地喜欢他，他知道否？最好，他不知道比较好。。。我不想给他任何的负担与压力。我们能维持好朋友的关系已经是很好的了。当然，我和他的这件事是不能让我们身边的人知道的。他保密，我也要保密。虽然有一次我跟他出去的时候，被某些朋友碰到了面，但是，我们并没有对他们说什么。我们那时只是否认。那时只是因为不确定我们之间的关系，不知道该怎么回答阿笨的问题“你们在拍拖吗？”。我跟他都没有开始过，哪来的拍拖呢？唉。。。不过，我还是谢谢他依然会关心我。。。谢谢！

我们会有那么一天会在一起吗？如果会，那会是怎样呢？我们会适合吗？

"When In Rome"

2010-03-27T07:09:00.006+08:00

In this movie, at certain scenes, I cried.... Because it reminds me of how heart breaking it is to love someone.... It reminds me of times that were discouraging when relationships didn't work out. The hopelessness feeling... The sadness.... It reminds me of him.... It is definitely not easy to love someone.... :( But, like what Jasmine said, true love really stands the tests... :) I especially like the part which it said in the movie, "I don't care whether he will love me back. I just know that I love him....", "Me & him is impossible.... It is not true.... It is just.... not true.... It is not of his will...."(the doubt)....... *Something like that... I can't remember the exact words from the movie.... :P *

But, it is a nice movie.... CUte... sweet..... Funny..... Emo... Romantic.... Aww........ I love it!!! :)

不谈爱情

2010-03-26T02:01:00.003+08:00

我想我对爱情暂时是不会有兴趣了。我累了。。。

就算有好的对象，也得等。。。现在不是时候吧。。。

套某人的话，“我是值得被爱的。” 虽然那是在拒绝我时，用的话。。。

我当然是配的阿！我是值得拥有一个很棒的男生当男朋友的！而且要帅哦！:P

一个人生活也可以多姿多彩，很好玩的！单身的生活。。。自由自在。。。没有感情问题的困扰。。。万岁，单身生活！

*I know nothing is going to change this situation now... There is no turning back. So, just move on! :) May be we're just not for each other... Give each other the chance to find our suitable partner... Love is to Give, is to bless... 他开心，我就开心，我什么都无所谓。。。Just don't bcoz of me, you feel troubled or worried about me... I'm okay. I still can handle. I'm very busy with work, studies & many other things recently... Perhaps a good way for me to be distracted... :)

I'm glad that yesterday we talked to each other face to face well. I feel that it is considered good especially when we have the awkwardness between us.... Well done! :) Like that, then we can continue to be friends... Thank you! :)

Tired.Tired.Tired.

2010-03-20T15:16:00.003+08:00

I'm tired. I'm very tired. I'm very, very tired. Things are never ending, never ending.

How am I suppose to accomplish these tasks? How am I suppose to overcome this difficult period? How am I suppose to face all those unexplainable things? Lots of confusion and difficult things to overcome.... Difficult period, difficult period.... There's no way I can escape from it but to face it all! :(

I need to be strong. I need to be strong. I need the support from my family. I need the support from the people who I mind a lot. I really need... Just one encouragement... just one... It helps... Thank you for those who have done it.... :)

渐渐地忘记他。。。

2010-03-20T01:56:00.006+08:00

他是谁？我已渐渐地忘了。没有办法的忘了。无奈的。

看着戏，流着泪。因为能了解戏里的那种心情。因为能了解那种痛与幸福。

我本来就是一个爱哭鬼嘛。

看到他变得有点像我，我感到幸福。我变得有点像他，我也感到幸福。

他的关心让我感觉到温暖。他的回应让我感觉到我还活着。

他的悉心，我会永远的记在心里。

就算一切过去了，我们还是朋友。我希望我们能一直保持着好朋友的关系。

因为我不想失去他。

戴在手上的这枚戒指，是为了提醒我自己去忘记他。那是为了不让我对他想太多。

就算哪天我跟别人在一起了，我不希望他来祝福我。我不希望他会看见。我怕我会觉得不舒服。

不过，也或许我想太多了。到那个时候，我们应该也没有什么了。我们怎么会觉得不舒服呢？

他给我的幸福，我会永远记住。因为喜欢他，我不会绑住他。

如果他说我们并不适合，我会放手。我会祝他幸福。

如果他什么都没说，我也会放手。一直到他装备好为止。但，这个几率似乎非常的低。

只要他还把我当朋友就好。像以前那样，就好。

Youth Meeting 15th March 2010

2010-03-16T01:12:00.002+08:00

Youth Meeting just now was great! No wonder I was so excited & looking forward to the meeting.

I had once again experienced God in a very face to face way. Fresh visions came pouring upon me of my calling & directions ahead. It is not going to be easy but that's why I need to press on & work hard for it. This is the preparation period for my path ahead. I'm real excited about what is going to happen & I'm so into it!

God is so great that he showed me some things during the meeting that helped me sort out a lot of things in my mind. Thank you Abba Father! You are indeed GReat! :D

Let's Move On & Be Real Committed for the Lord! :D

*Refreshed & Encouraged & Set Free!*

记得一切的美好。。。

2010-03-13T16:53:00.004+08:00

竟然不能忘记，那就记得一切的美好回忆吧。从开始慢慢地了解对方，到来电，到一起看电影时，偶尔说说话，到不停的联系，到你叫我放下过去，到你叫我不要跟某某某太过亲近，到你的体贴照顾，到你在你家楼下，指给我看你所说的那个很像Twilight's Cullen's family的在山上的玻璃房子，到我第一次深夜去你的家。。。那时，虽然只是短短的几分钟，但是对我来说是种幸福。那时，唯一还醒着的，你的弟弟看见了你带我进你家。这让我有傻傻的，好像让你的家人认识我似的。那也让我更认识了你一点。我看见了一个很不一样的你。那是平时在别人的面前，难以可以看到的一面。然后，你驾着你爸的车，我坐在驾驶座旁边。就好像，我是驾驶着车子的你的女主人似的。那是你第一次送我回家，第一次只有我们的单独相处。那时，我知道你已经很累了。但，你还是选择了送我回那么遥远的兀兰。在车上，我们聊了很多，有很多平时都不会聊的东西。

你说过，你会对你的女朋友特别好。我心里觉得那时，你对我很好很好了。你让我觉得非常的幸福。每想到你的时候，我的嘴角不由自主地会往上扬。那甜蜜的微笑是你带给我的。

你第一次约我吃饭的时候，我是多么的开心与紧张的。你知道吗？那个时候，我一面做工，一面一直看着时间，希望它快点的流失掉。这样，我们才能快点见到面。其实，从我的工作地方走去IKEA是蛮远的一个路程，但是，我还是愿意走去。因为我知道，走过了那长长的路后，我会见到你。最奇妙的事，我的手机快没电了。我们在没有联系对方的情况下，还能在差不多的时间，在约好的地点赴约了。你并没有让我等很久。本来是我们各付各的，却变成了你请我。虽然那时，我们有很多的尴尬的感觉，但是，一切还是很甜蜜的。然后，我们又是很浪漫的走了一段很长，很长的路去地铁站。

到后来，我们最后一次的约会。那是我主动地约你出来到。那天，你还很可爱的问我那天是不是有事，能出来吗？太可爱了吧。不是说好了吗？我们在那天约会。

你那天，还睡过头了。约会的时间只好延后了一点。我们说好约在某某地方的。你却从方便你下车，而且靠近约会地点的地方，走去地铁站等我。我那时，觉得你很傻。但，也觉得甜到心头。

这次约会的感觉，更像是一对情侣去约会。去日本餐馆，他说“两位”。我们坐只有两个人的桌子。而且，那还是在一个角落呢。然后，我们去吃冰淇淋。（一天的花费都是他出的。）一起坐在长凳子吃着冰淇淋。。。好似浪漫。。。还碰到了我的老板。。。碰到了一些朋友。。。碰到的朋友还问我们是不是在“拍拖”。他没有说什么。我只害羞地说“不是”。那实在不好意思啦。况且，我们并没有在口头上说出对我们俩的关系。那时，可以说是什么都不是。

一直到我先向他表白，说出我的心里的话，我们才变成现在这样。他跟我说他还没有准备好去开始一段感情。就这样。。。就这样。。。他认为我什么都懂得，什么都懂得。。。

因此，我们只好选择了放弃。或许，只有我是这么想的吧。我知道其实并不只我一个人难过的。只不过男生比较没有那么痛。也许，我喜欢他多过他喜欢我吧。现在我们在外面，还要分开坐才会自在啊。。。这样的结局是我没有预料或预料到的吧。我是又累，又失望的。。。

之前的都没有结果。。。这次又这样。。。不要再跟我说什么“放下过去”这句话了！

或许以后，我们会各自找到更适合我们的伴侣。（不是对方）我在一起的这段时光将会成为我们的美好回忆。对我是，希望对你也是。无论将来如何，一句老话，我会祝福着你的。只有祝福，没有怨恨。我不曾后悔我喜欢过你。你一定要过的更好哦。

Struggles...

2010-03-04T18:25:00.002+08:00

I'm struggling managing my vocal homework, my assignments, my studies, my work & my ministry.... Duh! So busy! But, this is also good for me. It's a good time to learn & stretch my capacity! Jia you! & this way, I won't focus on the unnecessary things... :)

为何喜欢

2010-02-15T18:23:00.003+08:00

为什么让我爱上了，却又不接受我？你现在是放弃了？不喜欢我了？还是，由始至终，你不曾喜欢过我？喜欢你是我觉得很痛苦。很想放弃，却又放不下。我的心好痛。为什么我会喜欢上你？我可以有更好的选择。可，为什么是你？你让我不知所错。可能，我们的开始是一个错。希望你知道，错过了我，就再也不会有下一个机会了。一旦我放下了，就很难会在给你机会了。

“我是值得被爱的” 这句话，我将会永远记住。是一个我曾经喜欢过的人对我说的。我真的是值得被爱的。但，我的王子呢？是，我是没有多少时间了，心也难免会急。但，我又能怎样。喜欢了，主动了，还是没有结果。我并不是完全被动，什么都没做。可，有怎样。还不是一样。谁有资格再说我什么。可能，只能说我的缘分还没到吧。虽然我不想太迟婚，但我又能怎样。一切似乎都不受我控制。

或许他并不是我的王子。或许他并不适合我吧。我不知道。但，谁又能阻止我去喜欢他。喜欢他是一个事实。不可逃避的事实。到底谁能来医治我心里的痛？不知道为什么，我的心会这样的痛。要怎样才能让这一切过去呢？

我不想一直像一个笨蛋一样，痴痴地等。每一次都是我主动发给他简讯，MSN, FaceBook 他。总之，都是我在主动的多。我不要！这让我觉得我不被重视。我在他的心里，似乎好像一点位置都没有。我就像一个傻瓜。若说他不在乎，也克服了。这样说，也对他不公平。因为，他至今面对我，还是会很在意。他会特别留意我，照顾我。他似乎怕我受伤害，或是怕我会觉得不自在。他的悉心，我心领了。谢了。你很好。不过，你处理事情似乎有一点婆妈与矛盾，前后不一。那尤其让我觉得特别痛苦。

我想跟你说再见。但，这是一件多么难的事。我会继续祈祷着我能快点儿医治好我的心。在那之前，我会尽量压抑我自己。

我已好一阵子没联络你了。但，你还是没有什么表示。虽然也不能期待你会做什么，但是还是会希望你会做什么。这样的我，很傻吧。爱情真叫人窒息。爱情也叫人忍不住想问“难道，我不够好吗?", "我不配的吗?"等等之类的问题。

"我恨我那么的喜欢你" 也许, 我不应该喜欢你。要如何把你放下呢?

Have I Told You Lately (That I Love You)

2010-02-14T23:03:00.008+08:00

Have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you there's no one else above you
Fill my heart with gladness
take away all my sadness
ease my troubles that's what you do
For the morning sun in all it's glory
greets the day with hope and comfort too
You fill my life with laughter
and somehow you make it better
ease my troubles that's what you do
There's a love that's divine
and it's yours and it's mine like the sun
And at the end of the day
we should give thanks and pray
to the one, to the one
Have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you there's no one else above you
Fill my heart with gladness
take away all my sadness
ease my troubles that's what you do
There's a love that's divine
and it's yours and it's mine like the sun
And at the end of the day
we should give thanks and pray
to the one, to the one
And have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you there's no one else above you
You fill my heart with gladness
take away all my sadness
ease my troubles that's what you do

Fill my heart with gladness
take away all my sadness
ease my troubles that's what you do

"I still love you & that's what logic can't explain..."

I don't want to let go...

2010-02-11T21:15:00.002+08:00

I don't want to let go. But due to reasons, do I have a choice?

If I don't, we may be can't be back to the original. Why sometimes, things can become so complicated when it is simple. As long as anything related to relationship, it just become complicated. Now, what is the situation?

Is he letting go, just as I am? (which is something I don't want to see...) I rather he face his "true self" or "true feeling"... I don't know anything... I just want to know the truth.

It is just so difficult to face the truth or our true self. It is just so hard for us to act according to our heart... :(

This is a very disappointing ending... :( Or is it really an ending?

About Me...

2010-01-31T00:02:00.002+08:00

Hi, I'm Na Na. 25 this year. I love to sing, dance & read books... Sometimes if i've the mood, I like to make some small handicrafts.

I love Blue. I love to drink Orange juice & Daisy Hi-low Milk! I love to EAT! :D

I love to have my bf(future) bringing me to different places occasionally to eat good food! (Actually, as long as it is with him, I'm happy lah...) My dream is to go on overseas tours with my bf(future)! How great it'll be!

To some close boy friends, i'm “哥们”to them. To some girl friends, i'm like a “妹妹”. To some others, i feel comfortable talking to them anything under the sun. >>>This is something that i feel very blessed with. :D (But till now, i haven't find any girl friend like that... :( )

In conclusion, they love me lah! hahaha.... :P How can anyone don't like Na Na?! hahaha.... :P

Everything is So Good!

2010-01-29T01:49:00.003+08:00

It was a Good Good Good day yesterday with the CG! I love it, man!
Enjoy the short fellowship with the people.... I'm excited for what is going to come up soon... :D
I don't know how much more I can do or change... but it's going to be GOod good good.... :D
It's such a good day that I realized i've overcome something... I've released... my hands... to certain thing... :D
I'm happy still. With all the lovely friends around... who says it's not fun to be single? It's super fun okay? hahahaha... :D
Perhaps my character is very fun... i realize i can mingle around well! i know you guys love nana lah.... thank you thank you......... :D

Lastly, of course thank God for everything & for being with me throughout this period of time when i needed HIm the most! :D
"Yeah, I've overcome!"
Bye to the past.... :D

Nothing matters without YOU!

My Addiction

2010-01-25T22:25:00.002+08:00

I'm addicted to Coldness! I'm now trying to quit it. Please help me to quit soon. I don't want to be filled with disappointments anymore... Brrr............ Addiction is Deadly! Disappointments is worst! Don't harden my heart pls.... Brr.......... Say no to Addiction!!! What is to be done will be done..... 有些事是末强求的。

放手

2010-01-25T02:20:00.002+08:00

有些事，要放手才会自由。一直勉强着是不会有幸福的。所以我学会了放手。
因为有许多事等着我去做，它竟然变成了我解脱的一个管道。这应该是一件好事吧。
他的举棋不定，我不能等，也不能等。我只好往前走。
这次，我做的决定应该是对的吧。
不要去想，单身一个人或许会更好。一切都交托给主了。
多点时间跟主联系是好的。多点时间装备好自己。像jas kon，我给自己多半年的时间吧。或许半年后，会有收获! 哈哈。。。也或许，根本都不用等上半年。事事是难预料的。现在，就不想了吧。打回原地。开心就好。。。 :D

错过

2010-01-23T14:49:00.002+08:00

有些事一旦错过了，就没有了。那真的是遗憾。。。
你要抱着遗憾过着生活吗？
我不想。但，有时候，由不得你去决定。
加油吧，佩玉！你魅力无法挡！ :D

放下了，自由了

2010-01-20T01:36:00.004+08:00

原来，放下了会是那么地自由。我决定不再坚持不确定的事。放下了，才会觉得舒服一点。没有人要我等着什么，期待着什么。我想我不必在那儿浪费时间。去年发生的事就当做没发生过。有些话也不需要说得很白。或许我们根本都不适合吧。绝对不是因为谁说了什么而这样觉得。不懂得爱情或一点经验都没有的人，是不用听他们说得太多。有时，他们根本都不了解这是怎么一回事。所以，有些人会说问一些有经验的人比较准。不过，当然会希望自己的伴侣是第一个，也是最后一个。如果可能的话，当然是最好的。谁喜欢要有很多的这种“经验”?

但是，无可否认的，这一次我学到了一些东西。我开始了解了两个人在一起需要的互相迁就与不断的了解。恋爱绝对不只是浪漫，甜蜜而已，是需要下很多功夫的。不简单。有时，还会因此觉得很累。就好像有好几次我误会了他。后来，才发现原来他什么都跟我说了，并没有任何的隐瞒或是我想象的那样。他真是什么也没对我隐瞒着什么。这就是了解和信任要并存的时候。如果不够了解或不能够信任他的话，你能想象结果会是怎样的吗？很惨吧？这过去的几个月来，真是上了一堂很宝贵的课。好不容易的课阿！

结论是什么？我现在心里上或事实上都是单身了！自由了！不再有那个负担了。所以我说，想太多是没有结论的。快点儿解决了它，就一了百了了。再见了过去。谢谢他带给我的快乐与甜蜜。谢谢他悉心地带给我轻松的感觉。每一次一起出去的时候，他都有能让我轻松，从紧绷的精神里松懈下来的能力。好奇妙阿！不过，这些都是过去了。还有很多事等着我去做呢。

我认为。。。

2010-01-18T22:42:00.002+08:00

单身有什么不好？单身很自由阿！不需要去顾虑到别人。
我发现"爱情"是一件多么累的事.
为他担心, 为他操心, 为他的快乐而伤破脑筋, 为他分忧他的烦恼... 为他的喜怒哀乐关心着...
因为他和别的女生太常接触, 玩得太疯, 而感到吃醋... 又不能阻止他跟别的女生见面或玩耍... 他总得跟别人交流阿. 有很多事, 就算心里不舒服, 还是得用一个宽阔的心去接纳, 去接受. 这是不简单的. 尤其是他对你的"喜欢"不明显的时候, 你会特别的没有安全感. 心里会不确定你在他心里的地位. “他真的爱我吗？”

因为这样，我的一个朋友就跟我说“一半就好”。意思是说投入一半的感情就好。完全的投入，万一这段感情行不通，会很受伤，也很难把自己从这感情里抽出来的。那样不好。所以，只是朋友而已是好的。我们就做好朋友吧。再想下去，是会疯的。不想了。。。烦，烦，烦！

一个人有什么不好的？自由，又自在！单身万岁！:D

朋友

2010-01-16T22:55:00.003+08:00

“亲爱的，我们做好朋友好吗？这样就好了。” 竟然那么要好了，为何只做好朋友？朋友与情人的区别在哪儿？是朋友，还是情人？在什么样的时候，才会知道要从朋友变情人？
“亲爱的，我们怎么可能只是好朋友？快做好决定吧。是朋友，还是情人？”

改编自小猪的歌：
“你说我比较像你的好朋友~ 是不应该再拥抱着~ 你道歉~ 你难过~ 于是，我给你温柔~ 谁在乎我的心~ 还会不会寂寞~”

Waiting for something....

2010-01-14T23:40:00.003+08:00

It's tiring waiting for something that is supposed to come but yet, because of unknown reason, it hasn't come yet. Is it going to come I wonder?

What is that something? Photos Upload!!! Ppl say they're going to upload but yet, waited for a long long donkey years, still no news! Sigh... What can I do? I just want two photos only.... -_-" Do I need to pray for it to come I wonder.... I know it's exasggerating but it's a fact that I've been waiting for a donkey years already.... When is it coming? When is it coming? When is it coming? I wonder I wonder I wonder.....

Also pai seh, to remind that particular person again & again & again & that person don't seems to put in heart! Sigh sigh sigh..... Saden... God, please makes that particular person to suddenly remember to upload everything on Facebook quick & tag!!! No upload, how to tag??

Donkey years donkey years donkey years....

2010

2010-01-14T00:12:00.003+08:00

Done writing down my goals, keep track list... Time for some Actions!
Hopefully, I can do it well... Not going to fail this time! Fight fight fight!!!

Whatever unnecessary now, throw aside & fight!

Though i'm feeling very tired already, but i'm sure I can overcome it. I need "jia you" too! Not trying to show others i'm strong or spiritual, but to challenge myself to do bigger things instead of limiting myself!

Do more, do more excellent, more capacity, more energy, more heart for the good works! Lots of things to think & do... BUSY!

Let's call G.O.D. to talk! :D

*Pray more than you are busy!*
*All things are possible through Christ who strengthens me!*

我发现。。。

2010-01-09T21:21:00.002+08:00

原来爱情是这么累的。原来爱一个人并不一定会有回报。即使两人都相爱着对方。一切的一切都是矛盾的。

以前，我以为等待就会有美好的结局。等待就会等到我想要的。原来并不是这样。喜欢一个人是一回事，还有种种的周遭的因素会影响着两人能不能在一起。我相信如果两人是命中注定，那就一定会在一起。可是，我这么想会不会很傻。往往如果两人喜欢对方，却又不表示，是不会有任何的结果。所以，有时的我会主动就是因为这样。我不想错失良机。

我在想，如果真的相爱，为什么要等。别让对方等太久。托的太久并不好。我能了解有时候可能是时间不对，需要多点时间。但是，时间托的久了，其中一方会很累，而最终决定放弃。即使喜欢，最后也因为这样没能在一起。这会不会可惜呢？至少我会觉得很难过。但，哭过了会没事的。我这样安慰着自己。我不知道这次我做的决定是对与否，但至少我知道他现在的决定。也或许从头到尾是我的一厢情愿吧。如果这样想的话，我会不会觉得好过一点呢？

笨蛋！如果不想要别人知道，尤其是当事人，你就别把你的心里话放上Facebook嘛！真是的。你当我是傻瓜阿？我们之间发生的事难道我真的不知道吗？我只是装傻而已。因为当时的你摇摆不定让我无法确定你的感觉，所以才会装傻。原来，你不但影响了我，我也影响了你。我们俩已经不知不觉中被这整件事影响了。现在的我们，很奇怪。在别人面前，很少接触。似乎害怕别人知道我们之间的事。有一点的小尴尬。整天话题都围绕着你的服侍的事。难道都不讲些别的事吗？是我没办法，因为我跟你和你的服侍伙伴们一起出门，还是又是另一种逃避？

私低下的我们，又是不一样的。就好像什么事也没发生过般的继续聊。像好朋友般。不过，都是通过简讯，MSN, Facebook聊而已。每一次，我拨电话给你，你都听起来有一点紧张。这是我不了解的事。其实，或许，可能，你和我一样都在逃避。但，你的一举一动已出卖了你。我不知道该怎么样面对这一切，所以最后决定了放弃。你给答案，让我帮你画上句号吧。再托下去，对任何一方都没有好处。也许，你也跟我想的是一样的。也许，你真的需要多点时间。也许，你真的还没装备好。也许，你真的没兴趣？你的答案真是太玄了。我不了解，也不想去了解了。就这样吧，到此为此。不需要再对我太好。我怕我会放不下。

朋友说，我们的表现已经超出了友谊。。。但，最终我们还是没有一起走下去。也许，我们并不适合对方吧。老土一点的说法，没有缘分。

接下来，我可能会避开你一阵子。我需要时间去冷静一下。等我处理好了我的感情，我们再做好朋友吧！（虽然我不想只做朋友。。。）

新的开始

2010-01-09T03:04:00.004+08:00

新的一年，新的开始。脑海里已有一些计划，但不知道能不能实现。希望可以。我需要再细心的计划着。

把感情的事放一边，还有很多正经的事需要操心。若真的是要继续等待上帝的安排，那就随它吧。我想做别的更重要的事。

我觉得可能我会很快的要做出决定我的服侍的方向。去还是留。很快的。有一种很强烈的感觉，我不会在现在的位置上待多久了。是去小组服侍吗？很有可能。我还不是很确定几时。但，快了。我会很快的要去跟那些领袖们商量此事。

离开舞台会难过吗？我只能说那并不是个重点。在台上，又不是为了荣耀自己。一切都是以主为主。我不知道将来我能走多远。但是，我相信主会带我走过种种的困难。是为他而做的事嘛。希望重新开始，我会学到更多，也会成长的更多。目的就是一定要成长！人总不能一直一成不变的。让生活更多姿多彩吧！

林佩玉，加油，加油，加油！！！我行的！！！:D

爱上了。。。

2010-01-06T01:09:00.004+08:00

我向他告白了！我跟他说“我喜欢你！”。
换来的答案果然是我所预料的“我还没准备好去开始新的一个恋情。。。”
虽然是早已预料的答案，但还是会有一点小小的失望。
我以为他会对他的感觉坦白一点，可是。。。
他给的答案对我来说是一个问号，也是一个句号。
我不懂我应该怎么样。我该等他呢？还是放弃？
好朋友劝我不要这么快放弃，应该在等多一会儿。叫我看看几个月，再说。
“需要吗？”我问。
其实经过过去的多次经验，我已感到累了。我再也没有力气去等一个人了。
好朋友说：“你过去都能喜欢一个人喜欢的那么久。为什么这次不行呢？”
我想或许过去我浪费了太多时间了。我不应该一直抓着一个明知道不可能会发生的爱情不放。
结果都是预料得到的没有结果。

虽然说对自己的感情坦诚是一件好事，但是最后还是会很伤心。
可是越是想逃避，就越是逃避不了。越是想要忘记他，就越是忘记不了他。
整个心是矛盾的。
一碰到感情的事，我就没辙了。。。

他现在依然对我很好，就像朋友般，会说话，一起出去（现在都是一群人了。），发简讯，网上聊等等。每一次，他都跟以前一样都会回复我。
最近的一次出门，他还主动的跟我说话。好像是觉得我的话太少了，要我多说点话，尤其是对着他。
他的绅士风度，他的体贴，他的细心，他的关心都让我多么的忘不了。。。
每一个小小的动作都让我非常的感动。。。
例如有一次，他怕我在巴士上睡过站了，特地打了一通电话给我察看。
坦白说，那一通电话真的把我的整个心都融化了。怎么会有这么一个人会这样做呢？
当然，不只是因为这件事，我才喜欢他的。中间发生了太多，太多的事了。。。
他怎么会是不好呢？他给我看到了他在一群人中和私底下的不一样的一面。那是宁我很惊讶的事。他竟然是这个样子的。。。很不一样。。。他并不是别人表面上看到的那一个样子而已。
我更了解了他。他也更了解了我。
我不知道是时间上不对了，还是这整件事根本都是一场误会。。。
他给的答案太玄了。我无法理解。。。
有不完全像是拒绝，有不完全像是叫我给他多一点时间。。。
到底是怎样，至今仍是一个谜。跟好朋友说了说，好朋友也都不了。。。

是继续喜欢他，还是放弃他？
是去等着他，还是不等了？

如果这次还是没有结果，我想我会给自己放长假，不去想感情的事了。
我也累了。。。眼前也看不到希望。。。

我想我跟他告白的事，他应该没有跟任何人讲吧。最好没有。。。
我呢，因为太透明了，我想应该有几个人懂这件事吧。。。不过，都是信得过的朋友。

现在的我，在尝试不要去想他，发简讯给他，去看他的Facebook profile...
但是，一点也不容易做的到。
我不想我们又不是情侣，我却这么依靠着他。。。
我们不是情侣，却有着情侣般的行为。。。
这会让我有更多不应该有的遐想。。。
我不要！我不要这样的不确定！
醒醒吧！他一天没说是，就是不是！

矛盾

2009-12-01T00:00:00.003+08:00

“我不想再想了。想了也没用，只有自己痛苦。我可以自己决定放弃吗？我不知道对方的感觉，我也不敢问。我开始怀疑我自己这是真的吗？他并不是我理想中的另一伴，但我的心却为他加速跳动，我的脸为他脸红。每一次约会都很紧张，单独还是跟一群朋友。我怎么了？“他不适合啦！”我心里这么想着。但，我却没有办法不去理他。我想不看，不听他的声音，不回他的简讯。。。但，这些我都做不到。我心很累，不想再一次的没有结果的等待。这次会成功吗？
还是我放弃。。。？心里好似矛盾。。。该放弃还是不放弃？”

“无谓的等待让我很累，也对爱情失去了信心与渴望。。。”

"The Proposal"

2009-11-14T12:22:00.002+08:00

Just watched "The Proposal". I think it is quite a good show. I have enjoyed it. Very interesting. Very sweet. It is always the words said from the heart that is so touching. It is a movie though. But, I really love it. It makes me feel like "falling in love"! hahaha... :P Nice lines! Incredible! I wonder how will my future husband propose to me... haha.... If it is not romantic enough, I may say "no"... hahaha... :P

According To You

2009-11-13T00:07:00.002+08:00

Simply Love It! Frankly speaking, I was attracted to her hairstyle first! hahaha... :P

Modern Dance I Missed

2009-11-11T21:03:00.002+08:00

Fusion/Modern Dance

You Never Know How Much I Miss Dance... :(

Eat You Up Dance Tutorial

2009-11-11T20:52:00.003+08:00

BOA -Eat You Up-

You Never Know How Much I Want to Dance Again...

我恨我愛你

2009-11-05T12:14:00.002+08:00

Though I'm not falling out of love now, but I feel this is similar to what I'm feeling now. Wierd, isn't it? Though it's a sad song but I love it very much! :)
Sometimes, I feel loving someone too much will eventually makes you hate yourself for being like that as you are not being reciprocated for your love. Somehow, you'll feel hurt...

Here it goes, "我恨我愛你":

面带微笑离开你怀里
我听天由命
最后一张王牌在手里
二选一的机率
不能放纵爱你
就放过自己
爱情已经过了甜蜜期
多说也是无益
爱不爱我已经没关系
一点小伤而已
你可以很放心
我不会为了留你
假装可怜兮兮
都怪我太不争气
我恨我爱你
Oh~ 我爱你
只是因为你是你
Oh~ 我恨你
你有我看也看不清的小聪明
你有我说也说不完的坏脾气
你有我数也数不尽你的…
.新恋情
爱情已经过了甜蜜期
多说也是无益
爱不爱我已经没关系
一点小伤而已
你可以很放心
我不会为了留你
假装可怜兮兮
都怪我太不争气
我恨我爱你
Oh~ 我爱你
只是因为你是你
Oh~ 我恨你
你有我看也看不清的小聪明
你有我说也说不完的坏脾气
你有我数也数不尽你的…
.新恋情
没关系…
我有你拿也拿不走的旧回忆
我可以一个人安静的忘记你
我恨你最后那一句
我爱你

To listen to this song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCiOKXBhAOM

This Is It

2009-10-31T11:19:00.003+08:00

"This is it! I'm not going to hold on to it anymore! Off you go..."
Having too many thoughts in mind can sometimes burst me up. Therefore, at times, I decide to give up some of the things in life. Those that I feel there's no point wasting my time on and I have to move on without it. I believe that God will provide the best for me. So, what for to worry about? May be after giving up on certain things, I'll gain much more? I may see something coming up that will shock me? Lotz of may be but full of expectations...

Busy... I shall keep myself busy for the time being. There're just so many things I want to do! :) "The best thing is I'm doing the things I enjoy doing!" -Thank God for that!!! :)

心情事簿

2009-10-19T00:15:00.003+08:00

郁闷的心情把心里的所有的寂寞给表露了出来。
为什么呢？也许我怕别人知道我的寂寞吧。
是嫉妒还是羡慕？我不懂。我清楚地知道我要的是什么。
我也很清楚地知道眼前的并不是我要的。那，那有什么好难过得呢？

是太羡慕了吧？我知道十二月是没有什么好期盼什么事会发生。因为我知道两年前没有发生的事，大概这次也不例外吧。没有什么好期盼的。有时我在想，一个人安安静静地度过生日也并不是什么坏事。有时，人多了，会有点难过。那样，会更凸显心里头的寂寞。但，有时候，我却又不想一个人过。多么矛盾的心情阿！

今年的生日，我只想知道一个答案。上帝，你会在这个十二月给我这个我很在乎的答案吗？

生日是一件大事，是你活在这世界上的纪念日。我希望今年起码要有人真正知道我要的是什么吧。有时候，我是感激有人记得我的生日。有时候，我却会有点失落或失望。可能当中真的缺乏了什么吧。

今年的生日，我只需要一个答案就够了。亲爱的天父，你会给我一个答案吗？这个答案对我来说很重要，关系到我的生命那样重要。
有些东西我是看到了，但我选择了不去看它。因为我知道那并不是我要的。我绝对不能送出错的讯息，浪费了大家的时间。

什么乘读书的时候，在学校里多留意一下有什么和心意的。什么读书之于，也可以找一下。
再说吧。我还是好好地念我的书。我可是下定决心要好好地念书的！加油！　

A Final Relief

2009-10-14T23:50:00.003+08:00

Finally, I have finished my last TMA assignment!!! Oh Yeah.................................!!!!!!
Do you know what a big relief it is? I have been stressed over the assignments upon assignments for the past one month. Especially for this month, everything is very rushed. There are just so many things to rush for. Now, I just finished the last TMA, I still have ECA assignment, 5 quizes and 1 exam to clear before my semester ends. It is really not easy studying in the university. It is just so tough. No wonder there are some people say that it is not easy to be in the university. If you are in, you are real good! Wow! I want to be that "real good"! :D

I really love, love, love all my friends especially the "regulars" who commented on my facebook very often. I so appreciated all that you guys had responded or commented and all your encouragements! Thanks for standing with me, supporting me mentally! Thanks lotz! :D

What's next now? I wanna rest for a little while before I clear the rest of the stuffs before my semester ends. Jia you! Fighting! :DDDD

REpeat

2009-10-08T12:27:00.000+08:00

Do you ever hate yourself for keep repeating the same mistake again? I have. It is just so irritating. I will keep wondering to myself why I keep doing it again and again and why I can’t change it once and for all. Many thoughts run through my minds causing a lot of frustrations in me. How do we change? How do we quit on our mistake and shortcomings?

“I’m late again!” “Ah, the same mistake again!” “I spoke the wrong thing again!” Do all these sounds familiar to you. The moment you speak out these sentences, condemnation, guilty, negative thoughts and etc. come to you all at once! This is simply unhealthy (psychologically)! But, instead of all these, what can we do to improve the situation? Do something!

We are to be convicted and willing to commit to do something about it. A plan must be drawn out and follow closely. Modify here and there as we go along. Write down what is to do when the expectation is not met. What is the Plan B? I believe the best guide is the “S.M.A.R.T.E.R.” goal card. Nothing is as clear as that. Let’s begin to pick up our pen again to plan for next year before this year end. Don’t wait, do it now! Or else, you’ll never do it! One thing is “Never Give Up!” You just have to persevere.

Different people have different way of executing the plans. I don’t know about you but for me, I need to see my goals “everywhere” in order for me to work it out. That’s mean papers pasting everywhere in my room! (Laughing) Let’s start planning once again, friends! Let’s do it together! :D

A Passby Place

2009-10-02T11:23:00.000+08:00

This is just a place I have to passby in order to reach the other end which is where I suppose to go. In another words, it is a bridge to my destiny. Throughout the past more than one year, I have learnt some things. For example, now I know how to use excel and simply love it! That is my greatest satisfaction I think. I have known friends in the workplace. Though I don’t really like some part of them, sometimes even don’t feel that I’m getting along well with them, but still, they have played a part in my life. I can’t change a person anyway. If people don’t want to change, there’s nothing you can do.

I’m wondering what is ahead of me. I’m full of expectation and visions about my future. It’s going to be a bright, bright future being a professional counselor! The first semester of the first year is about to end. I have finally got to know about counseling. It is not easy but yet, very exciting. I like the way how my tutor-lecturer said this “A Counselor has his very own unique language.” It makes me feel that as a counselor, we are different and we make a difference in people’s life. This motivates me a lot.

In the coming semester, it’ll be tougher and busier I suppose. Hopefully, I can take the core subject which I didn’t take this semester, together with the next semester core subject. I don’t think I want to drag my graduation. The best situation is to complete my degree in three years and continue at the fourth year for my degree honours. To achieve that, I need to work real hard. My aim is to score above grade 3.0. I think I’ll be safe if I can hit that target. Most important of all, I must catch something out of this whole course to equip myself well to be an effective counselor. “Fighting”, Christina!

*You may not understand what I’m writing especially at the beginning of this blog as some details can’t be added in here. Just treat that I’m speaking in parables. Haha… :P

石欣卉昨天

2009-10-02T00:16:00.005+08:00

当我第一次听这首歌的时候，我几乎要哭了。它带给了我很多的回忆。歌词里写的感觉是那么的熟悉。这是石欣卉的故事吗？这首歌好痛哦。听得我都觉得心好痛。似乎在耳边，我能听见自己叫着自己“忘了过去吧。”就好像心里有一根刺插得很深，无法拔出。

（脑里不自觉地浮现出这些感想）“总以为不见面，就会没事。那知道心会更痛。想要放下，却放不下。就一直爱着没有回应的爱。无论多么想跟他说个什么，却总是说不出口。只能远远地看着他。我爱他的心情谁懂。紧紧地抓着一个没有结果的爱情。多么辛苦阿。这种心情谁懂。” 听着这首歌，想着过去，眼眶里便出现了泪水。我非常了解这种心情。我曾爱着别人无数次，但全都没有结果。爱得我也累了，毕竟已伤痕累累了。若要期盼着新的恋情，我不知道我会不会有信心。

有时，回忆起以前，我的心会觉得很空，很寂寞。我不明白为什么我期待的爱情总是不降临在我身上。是我不配的吗？我曾经这么想过。直到有一天，一个人告诉我这么一句话“你绝对是配得有一个很好的男人。你是一个好女孩。”虽然那时，说这句话的那个人正在拒绝我对他的爱恋，但，我却被这句话给感动至今。我感激他说了那么一句话。现在的我们是朋友，对我来说已足够了。我会找到那个配得我爱的那个人。我会幸福的。谢谢当初的你。我会幸福的。

以上是我有感而发所写出来的。甭担心我。那些已是过去式。现在的我很好，正等着命中注定的那个人出现。等待的时间里，我会努力准备好自己。一切担心与着急是没有必要的。就请周围的朋友与家人，别为我担心了。顺起自然就好。

Too Many In Life, But Limited

2009-09-27T19:52:00.004+08:00

Just went through the songs for next year vocal exam, hrs ago with my vocal teacher. Learnt something new about how to bring out the song. It is not that easy as I had thought in the past. So many to learn, but yet limited time as I'm occupied with many things in my life. Nevertheless, I'll never give up on singing! May be it is also to make up for the unability to dance now.

It's just can't help it. There are just too many things that we want to do in life but yet, limited time and resources. Therefore, what I can do now is just to choose some of them to do. It is never anything perfect in life. You can't have everything at one time. That's life. But still, I thank God for what I'm doing now. I thank God for all the opportunities that are given to me! Thank God! :D It is such a priviledge as not everyone can have what I'm having now. It is simply a great priviledge that I must cherish! I believe this is really a calling for me. I'll do my best no matter how weak I seem to be at times. Jia you! :D

很高兴遇见你

2009-09-26T21:53:00.005+08:00

“在认识你之后，就希望你能幸福。希望你能一直带着笑容活着。希望你能梦想成真。就算我们不能再一起，我也希望你能过得很好。就算将来你的身边站着别的女生，我也会祝福着你的。我只会默默地看着，默默地希望你好。别人会笑我傻，笑我痴。这些我都不会在乎。我只在乎你。”

或许是我想象力很丰富，我对爱情的要求会很高。对我来说，爱情绝对不能是闷的。我无法容忍“闷”。我渴望爱情里的浪漫与惊喜。不一定每天都要有，但绝对不能没有。

当我喜欢一个人后，我会很想多跟他在一起，说话聊天，吃饭等等。因为我想多了解他。也希望能够得到他的回爱吧。如果不能所愿，我会默默地喜欢着他直到我不能为止。如果他找到了他的幸福，我会祝福着他。我绝对不是那种会跟别人抢男人的女人。如果有人要争，就让她们去争吧。我没有兴趣。我认为一切顺其自然就好。我认为爱情是自然的，是慢慢培养出来的。争夺的爱情会幸福吗？争夺有意义吗？

曾经有人对我说，如果我真的爱那个人，为什么不要去争呢. 对于这点, 我实在无法认同. 或许, 我比较想要男生主动一点吧.

别再问我的择偶条件是什么了. 我正在等着我的命中注定. 希望能像我所祈祷的那样实现. 我能知道答案吗?

"认识你是我这辈子最幸福的事."

*以上的, 若有雷同, 纯属巧合.*

恨你不在我身旁

2009-09-10T00:38:00.000+08:00

恨你不在我身旁

每每这一个时刻，我都会想起你。
但，你却不在我身旁
每一次，我在梦中叫你的名字，
但，你却不回应。
每一次，我伸出手向你求助，
但，你却不理睬。

当我寂寞的时候，我会想起他。我多么想要他在我身旁陪伴着我。但是，我知道那是不可能的事。他还在兵营里。他的生活永远都是那么地忙碌, 连通电话都不能拨给我. 每一次的见面, 打招呼似乎是一件非常难的事. 在我心里, 他站的位子是重要的. 到目前为止, 没有任何人能够取代的. 我把他看得那么重. 他是否也是这样想我呢? 我只知道, 至今他都一直让我失望. 何时我才能知道答案呢? 他是否属于我?
我好寂寞, 好孤单, 好没有安全感… 唯一的希望就只盼他的到来. 但, 左盼右盼, 他连影子都没有出现过.

我看了别的男生, 尝试去考虑他们. “小我一两岁的应该可以吧? 这个怎样? 那个怎样?” 但, 最终还是觉得不适合. 他的名字一直都出现在我的脑海里. 你为什么一直纠缠着我, 却又不给我希望? 我恨我爱你!

*<<我恨我爱你>>这首歌是来自这样的故事吗?*

乱

2009-08-31T00:31:00.003+08:00

乱乱的思绪. 乱乱的房间. 乱乱的生活.
毫不清楚的, 想做的一切也跟着乱了. 完全都不知道该做什么. 一切都很不清楚.
如果连最基本家里的琐事都做不好或没做的话, 那,你的人生就如你的家的情况一样了.
神-第一, 家-第二. 这可是十诫里头两个最重要的东西喔! 要记得, 除了神以外, 家可是第一喔!

如果你想要你的人生有着什么样的改变, 那, 第一, 你必须做的就是把家里打理好. 可能至少把自己的房间收拾好等等之类的. 我现在正面对这样的问题, 所以我能深深的体会这种感觉.

如果我人生要有什么样的变化的话, 我的房间就得先整理好了. 每一天都还是很乱. 真叫人受不了! 就算熬夜, 我也要快点把它做好! 好多东西要做喔! 但是, 我觉得我"准备"好了... (这是个不能说的秘密!) :P

Child of Destiny

2009-08-24T03:19:00.002+08:00

Seriously, I had never thought that I would have the chance to perform in Victoria Concert Theatre with ticket selling public performance! It was such a fantastic experience! Incredible! We had all truly enjoyed ourselves very much! Not just the performance, but the great opportunity of every one of us gathered together in one place with the same purpose. That was such a precious moments with each other! Out of all of busyness, we were there!

The moment we finished the performance “Child of Destiny”, the audience stood up to clap their hands & cheered for us, we felt so proud of ourselves & so honor to be there! We smiled immediately. Some even wanted to tear!

With so many photos we had took, some of them actually “prophesized” of the slow working of the Facebook as all of us begin to flood the Facebook with thousands & thousands of photos!!! Hahaha…. :P I’m one of them! Hahaha…

Very tired but yet fulfilling…

To see the photos, go to the Facebook, friends! As I say, thousands & thousands of photos!!! LOL.

完成了第二个作业

2009-08-19T20:45:00.003+08:00

终于完成了我的第二个作业，并且在线上交上了。终于放下了心中的一块石头。心理和身理都很疲倦了。好想大睡一场阿。。。但是，因为有太多的东西在忙碌的时侯，想要去做。所以，我无法错过在能休息的时候，去做。因此，我还是在忙着。。。哈哈。。。你应该在骂我为和不去休息了。哈。。。可是，能做我想做的东西是多么的开心的事啊！小小透漏一下。。。其中一样是看anime。其中宁一样是看电视节目。但，那绝对不是电视上的那些，而是线上的那些外国片。哈哈。。。我可是超级电视迷阿！哈哈。。。不知道这是个优点，还是缺点。。。去看戏喽！Bye bye! :)

Graduation

2009-08-16T01:10:00.004+08:00

I want to be trueful to myself. That's why I share.
2yrs ago, my parents, especially my mum refused to attend my SOT graduation.
Is that a good thing or not. Till now, it has been a very deep memory in my heart.
It has unknowingly cause an effect in me. Do I need to overcome this?
I feel like being rebellious by not allowing my parents to attend my university graduation 3yrs later. Should I do that? Since I have no burden about they paid the school fee. This time round, I'm the one paying. What excuse for them to come? It is really bad to think like that.
Who is perfect? There'll be time that you'll be just like me, thinking in this way. It is just a thought. Whether or not it is going to happen will depends on your decision. So, what decision will you make?

I realize that many small little things that happen in your life can actually cause forth an impact in your life. It'll affect what decision you'll make in the future. It really will! For bad or good.
What decision should I make? To me, I feel that every graduation, no matter what it is for, should be respected. If anyone is to treat it lightly, I feel it is just not right to do so. I dislike this kind of person. Let's see what will happen in 3 yrs time. Will I allow my parents to go for my graduation? I feel with parents or without parents in graduation makes no difference. I'm used to simple and lonely graduation. It is like nothing big is happening. Other than taking photos, it is just taking photos... The only thing I feel more comforted is the friends who have come down specially to support me. Even without gifts, their greetings are more than enough. Though I'll still admire those who are surrounded by many people & with many gifts & surprises in their hands. So nice! How sweet it can be? Admire...

Why talk about graduation? It is because I just attended a graduation of my friends...
All the best! They're real blessed, surrounded with so much love! :D

妒嫉

2009-08-10T00:21:00.002+08:00

当我看到别人幸福，我会妒嫉他们。
当我看到我的好朋友跟别的朋友去某个地方玩得很开心，我会妒嫉。
（难道他们忘记了我？）
当我知道我被遗忘了，我会觉得这个世界并不需要我。
当我被利用了，我会觉得心如刀割。
当我被欺骗了，我会觉得这个世界怎么会是这样。我心碎了。
当我孤单的时候，谁来陪我。当我伤心难过时，谁来安慰。
当我看到别人拥有着幸福美满的家庭生活，我会想“难道我没有吗？”
当我得不到我想要的东西，我会放弃。就让他走吧。
如果我不被珍惜，我不会强求任何的事情。我就是这样的。
当我看到或知道原来他有了目标或女友，我会祝福他们。
我想我是一个不会“抢”的女人吧。
我认为不属于我的东西，终究并不会属于我的。何必强求呢？
整天看着别人的好，却看不见自己的好。那是一件多么辛苦的事。
要如何才不会去比较，却又能发觉自己的优点与潜能呢？要如何去寻找适合自己的style呢？
每一天都是学习的一天。人生有着学不完的东西和领悟。人生漫长，要珍惜。无论生命有多长，我们都要努力去过好我们的每一天。即使是失败与不愉快，我们都要学习着爬起来，再战的精神。如果你只剩下最后一天的生命，你会做什么呢？
“幸福绝对不是偶然的，也不是绝对的。它是需要你去努力争取的。”
“世上没有不劳而获的事情，只有一份耕耘，一份收获。”
“努力是必然的。没有了努力，一切都会变得没有意义了。”
“你准备好挑战人生吗？”

Drama Effect

2009-08-09T01:55:00.002+08:00

Love is an experience of being with someone, sharing all the happiness & unhappiness. You get to know that person day by day. The feeling for him become more & more.
-That's relationship...

When watching dramas, people cry. This is because they longed for that kind of perfect love or relationship in the show that they can't get in real life. Therefore, they get very touched & desire very much of what's going on in the show. They start to pity themselves of not having the same story or scenario shown in the show. Is drama an illusion for us? Or is drama a place where we get our emptiness filled in? Or is it there to "fulfill" the dream that we can't get in real life?

Everybody cries. I cry. My sister cries. My mum cries. My friends cry.

But, it is still not good nor healthy to get too into the drama as it is not your life. You are supposed to create your own future, your own life! It shouldn't be the same as what the drama is showing. That is either other's experience or just a thoughts created by someone. Don't let your life lives in an illusion world!

Tired Body, Soul & Mind

2009-07-15T22:58:00.004+08:00

I'm feeling very tired now. My body is without strength. My heart is reluctant to do anything. My mind can't think. All I need now is REST! This is the side effect of OT. I really don't like. I did OT very unwillingly. I wanted very much to reject it but I can't say it to the manager. It is a very contradicting feeling there.

I'm on leave tomorrow. I really need this break & time with my best friend, Kitty! God, please don't let my supervisor call me back to work tommorrow! I really don't have any energy for work tommorrow since I've prepared myself for the break. If I keep forcing myself to do work, I think I'll give up very soon. Worst to worst, the more that I may feel like resigning immediately. The situation in the company now is quite confusing. My heart just can't rest among all the confusion. Work has become much more & can't be understood. Sometimes I wonder what is going on. If I don't know the purpose behind some of the work given, I guess I can't do it efficiently. I'm always doing according to instructions given & with much confusion, not knowing why I need to do that. I guess my superior is also not clear in his mind too. He is too stressed up & occupied with too many things. Yet, our department is only him & I. This is all thanks to our MIA ex-colleague. Till today, I still feel that that colleague who went MIA is very irresponsible. How can he not accountable or responsible to his decision made?! He just leave us like that. Yes, we can survive without him. But, problems & inconvenience had already caused to us.

One of the reasons that I'm staying in this company now is the need of the pay for my school fee and another one is to help my superior in the work as the department has only us left. I feel I can't possibly leave him all alone there. His work is already very stressful & difficult to handle. It is just unfair that he has to do all the work of the department. Moreover, he is a superior! What superior is he if there's no assistants or people under him?

Of course, there is no promise that I'll stay in this company for long. Perhaps at least up to the end of this year after the bonus. Meantime, I'll have a lookout for related job to my course. Hopefully, I can find a better job with higher pay & has good potential in the developing of my career. God, I really need help!!!! I'm tired & confused right now.... :(

"Sunday Sickness"

2009-07-12T16:25:00.004+08:00

Sometimes I wonder why I have so many complicated thoughts in my mind. As I browse through other people's blog, I'll think to myself why can't I be as simple as them. The things that they wrote were so simple & direct. Then, what's in me? I don 't seem to be able to make things easy. Where do complicatedness comes from?

Every Sunday is like a complicated day. It is always this day that makes me thinks & reflects a lot of what had happened during the week. It can be quite annoying sometimes that I have to go through all these every week. I don't like the feeling. It is like a sickness that is kept holding on to me & I can't get it off me. If there's anything that happens that makes me feel stupid, embarrassed & etc., it'll stay in my mind for quite some time before I can throw it aside. (until someone or something reminds me of it again.) It's a terrible feeling like a sickness. I don't know who else has the same kind of experience as me. All I know is this has been part of my life for years. If you really wants to understand me, I think you'll have to first understand the complicated side of me. Even I till today, don't understand!

What is Monday's blues? Perhaps to me, Monday's blues is caused by my "Sunday's sickness". I don't like Sunday to come so soon but yet, Sunday is my Service day. (Contradicting feeling)

*To my beloved friends who are reading my blog & is concerned about me, don't worry about me. This is my blog. I'm just sharing my mind with you guys. I don't wanna hide so much that I feel I'm just a fake or an empty shell in this blog. If that's the case, what's the point of having a blog & yet, don't want to let others knows you at all. Thanks for the concerns anyway! It means you guys are reading my blog! I'm so glad about that! :D

A Fresh New Beginning or A Fresh Old Challenge

2009-07-09T22:38:00.004+08:00

It is always excitement before a new beginning starts. This is when you can throw your past at the back of your head, to start afresh again. What a good opportunity! It's a good feeling but unfortunately, it won't last for long.

As time passes, the same pressure will come all over you again. The kind of self-blame mentality will come. You will start blaming yourself why you haven't done this or that from the start or why you haven't done it better & so on & so on. It is just a never ending story. When more & more comes, you'll feel like you're going to be insane anytime. This is very important, not to neglect. Among your busyness, do remember to take care of your psychological health. If not, it'll become a bondage to you until the day you can put it down. & mind you, this is not an easy job. Keep this in mind: It is always good to prevent than to cure.

"What you see in your mind, you'll become." Visions do carry power in it. If you visualize yourself as a failure, eventually you'll be one. Whereas, if you visualize yourself as a successful person, you shall be one. It determines the condition of your heart. You will either become positive or negative. It is all in the hand of your decision.

If you are a person who keep telling yourself "I can't do it", it's time for you to start saying the opposite. Stand in front of the mirror & start telling yourself that "I can do it!" repeatedly for at least 10 times. If 10 times is not enough, goes on for another 10 times & 10 times until you feel better.

Of course, just believing in yourself is not enough. Nonetheless, it is a good start for you. Once you have a healthy mind, you've already won the first half of the war even before you fight! Next, the most important of all is that you've to work hard for what you have believed! "Faith without work is dead!" In order to see the result, you'll have to work hard for it. Bring out your courage & boldness to go into the battlefield & fight like a brave warrior. Come what may, you'll still press on till the end. "Nothing will be too difficult for the one who believes." Sometimes, other than boldness, perservarance is the key to success too. "Roman isn't build within a day." Everything takes time to build. You don't become a perfect person overnight. It takes time, moulding & testing. You have to decide whether you are willing to take the challenge. So, are you ready?

"I'm always feeling very challenged. Can it be I've not overcome that challenge yet?" Possibly.
Therefore, it is a fresh new beginning or a fresh old challenge. That's a question.

Christina

2009-07-05T00:19:00.001+08:00

Christina’s Formulae:

C - Contemporary Dancer
H - Helpful Friend
R - Resourceful Employee
I - Impactful Worship Leader
S - Singing Phenomenom
T - Talented Artist
I - Intimate Counsellor
N - Nice Smile
A - Angel In Disguise.

Copyright. Victor Chan

Dou mo arigatou gozaimasu!

射手座

2009-07-02T15:20:00.005+08:00

射手座
射手女生可能永远也不会知道自己想要的是什么，但是她一直都很清楚，她不想要的是什么。她总喜欢做幕后的看客，冷冷地，静静地看着一切，在她眼里，一切都在她的意料之中，她并不觉得有什么是新奇的，如果她表现得新奇，那是因为她觉得应该这样做。她像一个看戏的人，永远置身事外。
>>>你不要责怪她冷漠，这是她保护自己的唯一方式。她像一只刺猬，随时竖起自己身上的刺，但她的刺不会伤人，她只是用来武装自己。>>>她不敢要太多的爱，她怕享受完爱之后，剩下的只是加倍的痛。所以当别人对她过度宠爱时，她不但不会欣喜，反而会惊惧地逃走，她不知道怎样回报别人对她的爱，如果你得到她的喜爱，那是因为她已经知道如何面对，如何回报了。
>>>>她追求那种君子之交淡如水的境界。>>>她懂得爱人，但她不习惯爱人，她知道爱往往伴随着恨，而恨，是太沉重的伤痛，也是太容易让人疲倦的感情。她不想痛，也就懒得去恨，于是，为了防范恨与痛的到来，她只好选择不爱，即使爱，也是淡淡的，冷冷的。别怪她，她是真的不知道如何专注。
>>>她有时也很虚伪。不要指责她，她之所以选择虚伪，那是你勉强她做她不愿做但又拒绝不了的事，她不习惯承诺，也不懂得拒绝，她最擅长的是难为自己。她不想你难过，只好令自己难过。>>>她总是固执地认为自己有超乎寻常的承受力，她将自己想得太坚强，而把别人想得太脆弱。她老是担心自己的行为会让别人受到伤害。她不知道，受伤的其实是自己。只是她不知道如何表现出来，她迷糊得像别人所认为的那样，将自己当成一个百毒不侵的人。
>>>>别以为她很洒脱，很多时候，她其实是放不下的-——她比任何人都要敏感，都要细腻，但她不会让你知道，她明白，即使你知道了，也是无济于事。她的心是把握不住的风，她渴望像风一样单纯而自由。
>>>她不是不想平静，她只是找不到平静的理由，她一生都无法明确自己在人世要扮演的角色，她只有不停地寻求，寻求自己最终的目的。>>>>如果她找到了，她会毫不犹豫地停下来，从此放弃心灵的漂泊。很遗憾，她永远也不会满足，她的追求永不停止。她的心再累，无法逼迫自己放弃梦想，梦想是她唯一的支撑点。
>>>千万别让她失望。因为她学不会原谅，她非常渴求完美，虽然她知道世间没有绝对的完美，但，她有绝对追求完美的执着。你若令她失望，她会不可挽回地离开，即使她的心在滴血，即使痛楚重得要压垮她的生命，她也绝不回头。>>>>那个时候，你在她脸上所看到的，是让人寒心的决绝。即使她还在你的身边，她的心也早就离你十万八千里，你看不到她的恨，但是你会感受到比恨还让人痛苦的冷淡。她的离开是心灵的离开。
>>>她可以在前半分钟对你好得让你受宠若惊，也可以在后半钟冷漠得让你不可接受。不要问她为什么这样善变，她也不知道。当你看到她在疯狂地快乐或悲伤时，千万不要迷惑，不管她看起来是多么的疯狂，她内心其实是冷静的，她比你们任何一个旁观者更知道如何处理快乐与悲伤，她只是习惯-——也可以说是喜欢将一切都变得疯狂。>>>因为她觉得这是义务，也是权利，她是制造气氛的能手，她的一句俏皮话会让一切轻快起来，但她的一声叹息又会将一切都弄得很沉重。她总是不由自主地交错操纵着快乐与忧郁. >>>她并不如你们看到的那么快乐，同样，也不如你们看到的那么忧伤，只是，她忧郁时，喜欢带上快乐的面具，而当她快乐时，忧郁又不肯轻易放过她。
>>>在她的世界里，盛着的不是快乐的源泉，而是她不愿在人前滴下的泪水。你看到的她，笑起来像一个孩子，你有时会认为她天真得像是童话里走出来的天使。但是，你若有心，你会看到她沉静时脸上挥之不去的忧伤，还有她的眼底，竟那么凝重地积压着一种看破红尘的味道。她只有在午夜无人的时候，才会完全地释放自己。她不会在众目睽睽之下表露她的无助，她的彷徨，她的沧桑。>>>她心里的，是永远流不尽的泪。你所看到的坚强，只是她在竭力掩饰的脆弱。

Drifting away...

2009-06-30T22:14:00.001+08:00

I’m drifting away from everything. When a friend asks you how you have been, will you answer “I’m fine” just like I do? What does it mean? Are you really fine? Perhaps, it is just a standard answer. You are just answering for the sake of answering.

In the deepest of your heart, you are actually feeling not that well. But, you don’t want to let others know about it. Sometimes, being transparent is equal to endangering yourself. Not all the people around you or in this world, you can trust completely. No one is perfect. This is a broken down world. That’s why everyday you can help complains everywhere. It is just because of the imperfect people around.

Being too complaining is not healthy. Just a thought of it, who are you to judge others when you are imperfect. I have a friend like this & it is very irritating to always have to listen to all the complaining. Sometimes, I’m wondering when my friend can stop. I must learn to stop complain to.

“I hate this person.” “I don’t like this person.” What is the real reason behind that causes us to feel that way? Can it be because we don’t understand them well or just our another bias? It had happened to me. I ended up realized that it is not what I had thought it to be. Why not, let’s stop hating or disliking person so much?

Am I writing too much? I always have many thoughts in mind. There is even someone who told me that I talk too much. Ouch! That hurts! Is this really true? Anyway, it is only one person I don’t know much who told me this. That person is a very quiet person. I was just trying to get her to talk much. Unfortunately, I failed.

I told someone before that I like to write. The main reason that I like so much is because I have many thoughts in my mind that I have no where to release to. I can’t possibly share all with anyone else. Therefore, I choose to write everything down. At least I’m “sharing” it with the paper or computer. Next time, when you see me writing or typing, it can be I’m busy with my thoughts. :)

Great Shopping, Big Spending!

2009-06-27T23:38:00.003+08:00

After CHCSA Orientation at Riverwalk, I decided to go shopping. It has been a donkey years since I last shopped. Today is just so incredible. I like this feeling, but money is never enough. Sigh... Sometimes I wonder if God can drop down from heaven a few hundred bucks for me, how great it can be! My "dream" is to have lots of money to eat, to shop, to do my hair, my nails & etc. to pamper myself. It is a dream. When can it comes to pass? (Some of my friends will surely ask me to go & find a rich guy as my boyfriend... hahaha... :P)

Before shopping, I went for a light lunch with Graz, her friend & her friend's daughter. It is an experience to talk to them. It is like a preparation for me as a cousellor-to-be. I'll cherish what I've seen today. Thanks Graz for the lunch as well. :)

My original purpose is to buy an eye brow liner, its sharpener & its comb. On the way, I saw sales, sales, sales & SALES!!!! OMG....! This is so tempting! As I walked past those stores, I couldn't help it to take a second look at the window display. Oh my, I've to control myself. "Low budget, low budget..." I kept telling myself.

Then, I walked to the door of "Charles & Keith". OH!!! I looked down at my spoilt shoes. I decided to walk in & take a look. In my mind, it immediately appears many thoughts.
"Should I buy casual shoes?" "Should I buy heels?" "Should I buy for the Wedding?" "Should I buy for work?" Ah.....! I was going crazy! What exactly should I buy for?? Finally, I made a decision. I bought a pair of very nice, classy, "high-class" black heels. Imagine how long does it takes for me to decide! (You won't believe it. I just can't make up my mind.)

Finally, I managed to go the store to buy my eye brow liner & etc. Just before I decided to head for home, I was thinking of trimming my badly trimmed eye brow by my mum. Therefore, I headed to "browhaus" at Raffles City. It was a nice experience there. The therapist & the receptionists were very friendly & had provided very good service. I know some ppl will surely say that they're doing this for business. But, without good service, how to have good business! Sometimes, consumers go for the service, not exactly the treatment/product. Please, please ppl... Stop saying that anymore! It is as if they're cheating you. No! This is just business.

A Good Day Shopping Indeed!

**200+ bucks harvest today:

Eyebrow liner
Eyebrow liner's sharpener
Eyebrow liner's comb
A pair of black heels (for the weddings to attend)
Package for eyebrow & upper lip's threading (x10)(plus 50% for today's)

*"Don't misunderstood me. I'm not rich, nor I spending extravagantly. Neither am I lying about my "money not enough". All these spending was done under many thoughts & calculations & those are my needs. It is not easy, but I can't possibly always limit myself to the poverty mindset." -Christina Adalia

Last Day Rest At Home

2009-06-21T15:25:00.001+08:00

I’m sick. I’m having flu. My body feels hot all over, but there’s no fever. I’ve body ache. My head feels heavy. My breathing is not like normal. My throat feels very dry. I feel tired. Perhaps it is a good time for me to rest.

I rested from Fri till now. Tomorrow is Monday! That’s what I don’t like. I don’t like Monday to come so soon. It only means that I’ve to go to work again. Recently, I’m feeling quite reluctant to go to work. But, for the sake of my school fee & my superior, I’ll continue to stay on. It is totally no fun at work now. There’s nothing for me to look forward to. May be this is the reason why. I planned to leave my current job in another one year or one year plus time. The reason for why I want to leave is not only to change a job, but to find a job that is related to my course so that it’ll be easier for me to find attachment during the attachment period. It is like a plan to prepare my path long before the graduation. I need to gain some experiences before I leave school to well prepare myself for the real world & to be more effective or efficient in my work.

“What is the real world? It is only when you go out there, then you’ll know.”
-Nana

What I’m having in mind:
v Build up my body to be healthier, more tone up & also to have a better stamina.
v Plan aside some money to buy clothes. (OS: I want to shop!! I need new clothes!!!)
v Keep my room always tidied up. (Neat & orderly)

Loneliness

2009-06-19T00:56:00.000+08:00

An empty mind. An empty shell. A black space/room.
Everything is in darkness. What can I do?

I’ve been lonely for many years since young. I thought it could be a habit. I would just used to be alone. Then, I realized that this was not the case. Instead, I become very afraid of & dislike loneliness. I don’t like the feeling of being left out or neglected. Therefore, that explains why I’ve been an attention seeker for the past years. I search for recognition & company. Perhaps, I’ve enough of the loneliness at home. Due to age gap between my sisters & me, I’m always being outcast unintentionally. My sisters find no topic between them & me. I once asked myself why all these were happening to me. “Was my birth a mistake?” I asked. But, to be sure, this is definitely not a mistake! God created everything for a purpose. We never know how great the plan is that God had prepared ahead for us. We just have to learn to lean on Him.

I’m not trying to tell everyone that I’m spiritual, I’m an attention seeker, and I’m pathetic here. I just want to share something that is so real in life that I’ve experienced or I’m experiencing. Walking with God is not easy. It never was. Not even a verse or a word in the bible says so. It is always trials & tribulations that are mentioned. How cruel it is, but this is life. Without them, we can’t grow nor be moulded.

I wish to hear a voice speaking to me when I’m all alone in a quiet room. I wish to see a light when I’m in the darkness. I wish to see a hand stretching out to me when I’m lost. This is so real, so real! This is exactly what I’m feeling & going through. You believe it or not, I’m not perfect. Being a Christian is not being perfect but learning to change to be better & better, to have breakthrough upon breakthrough. If people wants to criticize Christians, do they ever think in what stand they are to judge us. Let anyone who is perfect & sinless, comes forward & judge! They’re not God. So, who are they to judge?! There will be times that we will feel so injustice. This is life & is a fact that we’ve to recognize. We can’t be naïve to think that we’re going to live like a saint without any problem, sadness, disappointments & etc. in life. This is not the truth.

In God, we need to first acknowledge & know ourselves. Knowing who we are in God is a very important key in life. Without knowing, we’re just nothing. Just like we don’t know how to use a cell phone, the cell phone will become useless. The reason is the cell phone can’t release its potential as a cell phone. Therefore, it becomes dead. We don’t want to be that cell phone, do we?

In prayer:
God… Comes & heals us once again. Come & fill this place with your presence that comforts the souls. Lord… Without you, we’re nothing. Come & release the potential in us. Guides us, leads us, oh Lord…

Officially An UniSIM Student

2009-06-18T00:38:00.002+08:00

Difficulties in Vocal exercises

2009-06-18T00:14:00.000+08:00

Learning to sing is not easy. I’ve learnt for quite some time already. Due to busyness, I’ve many long breaks in between. Currently, I’m taking lesson with my teacher fortnightly. Though I’ve some improvements in my vocal so far, but it is still not good enough. I feel my progress is small. Although I know it can’t be rushed, but I’m quite anxious about my progress. Sometimes I can feel frustrated that I’m not progressing very well. In fact, I find it very difficult to master even the basic. For now, I’m still not controlling my vocal well. It is like very “messy” everywhere. How am I supposed to see myself sings well one day with this kind of progress now? I’m quite disappointed about my progress. Yet, I can’t blame anyone else. It is just very difficult to discipline myself to do vocal exercises daily. It is definitely not easy. To think you’ve many things to do, you’ve to leave house early in the morning & come home late. Sometime, you just feel too tired to do anything when you reach home. It is really a time that I need to fight with my flesh a lot. It is a lot of struggles. “Why am I not doing it?” “Why am I not able to do it?” Lots of, lots of questions go round inside my mind. How long more do I need to take to get the basic well? How long do I need to take? Oh….

“Learning the bad habits is so easy & fast! Learning the right habits is so difficult & slow!”

Looking For My Calling

2009-06-16T14:29:00.008+08:00

[Above Picture was taken at the end of GDOP 2009]

Without realizing it, I've been singing in the choir for 5yrs+ (2003 Yr End Audition, Serving 2004-Present) already. Years have passed, I've grown older. What should I do next? Am I going to just stay in the choir for another 5yrs? I guess not. Perhaps it's time for me to move on.

Firstly, I need to train up my vocal to sing "comfortably", using the right breathing, right placement, good projection & etc. Then, perhaps when the next BV (Backup Vocalist) Audition comes, I'll sign up for the last time. I feel that I won't want to try again after the past two times. Let's make this a last try. If I fail again, I just move on. I may leave choir & go on to pursue something that is really what I want to do. Of course, what God wants for me.

Some people asked me whether I had thought of becoming a choir IC or Helper. My answer to them was a "N-O-" No. It is not really about whether I like being one a not but, it is just not my calling. I don't see myself being one. & some asked me whether I thought of becoming a CGL. Hmmm.... I thought of it before. I had seen a vision on that years ago. But till now, I'm still not so sure whether I am going to be one. I found myself having many inefficiency in certain areas. & that itself is quite discouraging already. Thank God for the friends who actually spoke words of encouragement to me to be a CGL! That's sweet though... Dev, what you had shared, I thought of it before. Do I say "here I am, God send me" & everything will be done? I think it is really not easy. I want to stay by my CGL's side to learn something from her. There are some of things in me that I had lost & I want to get it back now! H.S., teach me, guide me please...

Hey, I don't mind being a Choir trainer! "Hire me, hire me!" hahaha.... :P

It is only people outside the situation will see things clearer. So, I'll be of great help, isn't it? :D

Whatever it is in the future, I'm looking forward to it! Life is so full of adventures & hopes!!!

-Enjoy life to the Max!-

"Ppl change, I want to change too! For the better! Cheers!"

-Nana

Days After SOT 2007

2009-06-06T16:22:00.005+08:00

SOT in 2007 was great! I've received much training, knowledge, visions & etc.

Yesterday, talking with one of my frenz was great. Brings back a lot of memory....
Great to know that we're doing well after the graduation.
Actually, SOT is a good training ground. REal challenge is outside. This is what I'm facing through now. I'm very challenged coz I haven't overcome my particular weakness.
Thank God that God is so great to let me know what it is. He gives me revelations, visions & encouragements... I love it man... God really really never will forsakes you! He never!
That's what I have experienced consistently! How can be fake?! It is real! So real in your eyes!

Thank God! I'll keep walking, walking & walking through the valleys to the mountains, through the valleys to the mountains.... mountains to mountains... :)

*I realize it is after the graduation, into the world, that I learnt even more. Bcoz this is the time when you're no longer sheltered but facing everything all 'alone'. Things learnt are to be used & apply onto life. A time when you are really challenged & moulded. Then, you'll sing "no longer I~ but Christ in me~" hahaha.... :P

Great to had been in SOT!!!! Greatly encouraged everyone else to go SOT! :) It is an experience that you'll never imagine!!! It is life changing period. A time when transition takes place b4 you go on to another level! *Experiences differ according to each individual! :)*